I went to a new doctor because my oncologist wanted me to. I knew that it was an empty exercise. He diagnosed me with garden variety tension headaches. I really didn't expect him to look too far for a diagnosis and I wasn't disappointed. He spent a bit of time going over my list to make sure the drug that he was going to diagnose wasn't on it, and in all honesty it wasn't. But every other drug in that class was so when I left I looked it up on the internet. The perscribing information indicated that it increased the QTc, and was associated with reports of torsades-du-pointes. I called my cardiologist's office just to make sure. The nurse called and confirmed that the drug was clinically known to prolong the QT interval; I couldn't take it. So I called the doctor's office and told them I couldn't take the medication. I actually got the doctor on the phone, but only because he lost his temper in his frustration. He told me to ask my cardiologist what medication that he'd perscribe (my cardiologist wasn't diagnosing this one). I called anyway and wasn't suprised when the nurse told me that they don't do that and suggested that I talk with my pharmacist. The problem is that since the first of the year my drug insurance company has taken up the policy that my drugs aren't covered unless I buy them from them. So I no longer have access to my pharmacist. I called their company and they suggested four drugs that are on the Arizona CERTS list of drugs to avoid. They really didn't try, and that didn't surprise me. The bottom line is that I have chronic tension headaches and no medications to take for it. Frustrating, but not at all suprising. I called today and cancelled the follow-up appointment. The scheduler seemed suprised. I can't imagine why.
Tomorrow I go back to my primary care doctor for a follow-up appointment. This is the first time I will see her since she lost her temper while I was trying to get the ultrasound from Northside Hospital. The tests she will do will show that I do have pre-diabetes if not diabetes. I already know it because I have been testing. I am thirsty all the time. I am tired all the time. I have to go to the bathroom all the time. I have headaches. I want more from her then "Watch your diet and exercise." I know this is the essence of what she has to say, but I would like help with it. I would like a plan, a program, something. I'll be very surprised if I get it. I'm on my last lap with her. I will tell her that I need more; that I need someone who is in the very least interested that I get the care I need. In Emory City with ten thousand doctors there has to be someone who will care, if only about doing a good job.
I am frustrated with my health. I take up walking and the cancer comes back. I give up alcohol and I develop diabetes. I can't take medications for bothersome illness' and conditions. I need to take medications that exaserbate other conditions that I have, so I then take medications to remedy the problem caused by medications. I can't exercise because of LQTS, but I absolutely need to because of the diabetes.
I am frustrated with my medical team. They see me in parts. I am a cancer patient, or a heart patient, a headache patient, an arthritis patient, a surgery patient, nowI will be a diabetic; a problem. They don't seem to see me as a person. They show their frustration with my other conditions as if I could make it go away to appease their anger. And the worst is that they just don't care. They break appointments without thinking about the impact it has. And if I get angry then I am "the troublemaker".
I'm frustrated with myself. I am responsible for the food choices that has caused the obesity. This much is my fault. I'm frustrated that even knowing this, I don't stop. If I want to eat it, I think I may as well, because soon I won't be able to. I am frustrated that I play out their game even when I know the end. I should just confront them with the outcome. I should have said "Why bother with a nuerologist. He will only want to perscribe medications I can't take." I should say "Why do you want me to come in again? Do you want to admire the condition that we both know won't change?" I should say "I need you to tell me how to do what you are asking." or at least "I can't, or I don't want to do what you are asking." and not care about their anger.
I read a blog about a girl who in a fit of anger took a handful of pills. I could almost understand it. That much to me is a scary place to be.
Tomorrow I will atleast do this much for myself. I will tell my doctor that I understand her frustration. However, all she accomplished was keeping me from receiving a needed test. I'm not happy with that and I'm not happy that she sends me notes that say "work on diet and exercise" with no explanation of what that means.
Last lap.
