How badly do you want to screw up your kids (Publicly)

Karaoke last night was weird. The best description that I heard was karaoke in romper room. The majority of singers were under 8, and the little girl posse decided that to better view the action they needed to stand practically on top of our table despite being asked several times to go sit down. The teenagers were all at the Prom, so our entertainment was dramatically diminished. When they all leave for college in the fall, I'm sure that karaoke is going to become that thing we did with the kids. But the really strange thing was that one of the regulars is having marital problems and has agreed to not have a certain "friend" around that family, either while they are at home or while they are out together. The problem is that the "friend" is a former regular at karaoke. This family was there to celebrate the daughters birthday. Mid-way through the night "friend" decided to show up and was asked by the karaoke DJ to leave. "Friend" has been banned from karaoke by the DJ for many inappropriate offenses. So with "friend" ejected, the mother of this family stormed out, leaving her family (and obviously hurt little girl) sitting there. We went ahead with the celebration anyway, but it wasn't the HAPPY birthday celebration that it should have been. I just have to wonder if she really intends to hurt her kids like this? Does she understand the consequences or does she just not care?

Cookies and Candy and Pies, Oh My!

In my previous post you heard that I was thin as a child. For most of my readers this isn't much of a shocker, they were around me then. They knew what I looked like. It wasn't until I approached 30 years old that I began to have a weight problem. And I had one in spite of efforts to control it. I will admit that if I knew then what I know now, it would have been a very different fight. I will also admit that my efforts have been inconsistent over the years with many years of just giving up, resigning myself to being fat and forty, fifty, whatever. I like sweets. The only way I don't like chocolate is if you combine it with coffee or mint.

For all of my adulthood, I have also struggled with insulin Resistance. Too much insulin in my college years left me hypoglycemic. Frank Resistance during my pregnancies left me with gestational diabetes. And since the end of my child bearing years my Resistance has grown into Metabolic Syndrome and Pre-diabetes, with type 2 hovering dangerously close with A1c's hovering between 5.3 and 6.4.

My doctors rightly warn me that my increased weight is a factor in my insulin Resistance even though the Resistance started well before I was of a weight that could not be considered anorexic. The best way to treat Metabolic Syndrome and Pre-diabetes is with diet and exercise. And especially in the past year, I can honestly claim that I exercise more and eat a better diet than most people. But still my weight is a constant issue. I will lose for a while and then inexplicably start to gain again.

I was hoping that the new diagnosis of severe sleep apnea and proper treatment would help me improve my metabolism as lack of sleep has metabolic consequences. Now I read in this article that the problem may be more genetic than even I was giving it credit for.

"He's shown that expression in the liver

of the enzyme PKC-delta determined whether animals were susceptible to insulin resistance and, subsequently, factors of metabolic syndrome.

Depending on the levels of this enzyme, some mice can eat more and be less active, but still won't become insulin resistant, thus maintaing a healthy weight. Mice with the opposite genetic profile eat less, move around a lot more, but can't tolerate glucose and thus become obese."

I guess the take away for me is that I can't tolerate the sugar, so give it up.

Fatty and Skinny

When I was a child there was a rhyme that my sister and I heard a lot. It went "Fatty and skinny sleeping in the bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead." Both my sister and I took offense to this. I don't recall her ever really being fat, or at least she didn't seem that way to me, But the oppinions of other people gave her that view of herself. I on the other hand was definately on the skeletal side. I remember being told on one particularly windy day when I was in third grade that I needed to put rocks in my pockets so that I wouldn't blow away. At that age my sister and I ate the same thing in the same quantities and since we often played together, got the same amount of exercise. Until a few minutes ago when I read this article on the Komen for the Cure site, I thought that I'd gotten the easier ride in that gene pool.


"Even after accounting for factors such as age at first menstrual period, adult body mass index, and breast density, a large body size at age seven was linked with a 27% reduction in risk of postmenopausal breast cancer. The protective effect of a larger body size at age seven was observed regardless of estrogen-receptor and progesterone-receptor status but was stronger for estrogen receptor-negative cancers than for estrogen receptor-positive cancers."


Apparently having been underweight as a child contributed to my breast cancer risk. Still, I expect that the world, in their fat phobic frenzy will quote "Obesity is a risk factor in many cancers, including breast cancer." We'll yes, in post menopausal women with estrogen sensitive cancer.


"In the case of breast cancer, higher body weight reduces the risk of breast cancer in premenopausal women but increases the risk in postmenopausal women."


In women like me, my increased pre-menopausal girth should have been a protective factor, not an increased risk factor. And also, because my cancer wasn't hormone sensitive, my weight shouldn't be a risk factor now that chemotherapy and age has left me on the other side of the pause. If I get a recurrance, or a second primary breast cancer it is overwhelmingly likely to be er/pr-, Her2/neu strongly positive. It seems the real risk was my anorexic state when I was seven years old.

The take away for me is that the medical field and the health and wellness industry need to stop generalizing and classify these risks as they really occur. And they need to let those little girls eat if they are hungry...just not McDonalds. Try some whole grains, lean meats and fruits and vegetables.

CPAP

I got the machine, took it home and set it up. I was skeptical that I could even use it with any consistency. The first night was a battle. I woke up several times and had to convince myself that the machine wasn't sufficating me with air. I felt like I couldn't empty out my lungs when I was exhaling. The next day I went to Dr. Sleep for my sleep study follow-up appointment. He told me that I have profound sleep apnea. He said my AHI was 92 and that my desaturations were down near 60%. Then he showed me the read-out of the study. Apparently I don't breathe when I sleep. I hold my breath until I wake up gasping for air. Then I hold my breath again until I wake up gasping for air. The pattern repeats itself all night. What's worse is that my qt interval is prolonging while I'm not breathing. He told me that it is pretty rare that they stop a study after an hour or too and go right into the titration study. Then he showed me the steady saturation levels and breathing that I had after the CPAP was titrated during the study. He said that when I wake up, I should turn the machine off and then back on so that it ramps up and I can get back to sleep. That night I took his advice. The only problem is that once during the night I woke up and the mask was off. I put it back on and went back to sleep. I was still a little tired in the morning. Last night I was fine with the mask and the air flow. I slept all night with it. I still woke up a little tired this morning, but it is so much better than I have slept in years. Now I don't even want to sleep without the machine.

Holding it together

I'm beginning to walk a fine line that I know will offend members of my family, and this is in no way directed at them. I was driving to work after picking up the cpap machine from the home health agency, and people all around me were in their cars with the windows rolled down blowing their passive smoke into my airvents. I was down right resentful. I wondered why I was taking a breathing machine home after not smoking and they can so abuse their lungs with impunity. When I was young, I thought that I could avoid heart disease by simply not smoking, but it appears that genetics is stronger than my ability to live a healthy lifestyle. I know that fairness has nothing to do with it. But it just kills me.

Eric

He was a co-worker and a friend. I always looked forward to talking with him at the lunch table. He was funny and compassionate at the same time. Then his contract ran out and he did some freelance work until he was diagnosed with Leukemia. He died this past weekend at age 47. He left behind a wife and two teenagers whom he loved dearly. I know him, I know what he believed. I know that I'll see him again when I get home. But until then, I'm so tired of losing my friends to cancer!

Six

Today marks six years of survival for me. It has been an emotionally hard day. I woke up crying and cried on and off throughout the day. I knew that I've been dancing on an emotional edge for most of the week. It hasn't helped that I'm waiting to talk with a doctor about a diagnosis that I'm certain that he will make, but not really having any details. It also hasn't helped that my friend, John is having his own emotionally hard day, and I've been trying to be nice to him. But the real issue with me is that six years ago I was hit with a diagnosis that changed everything in my life. So, with this day as hard as it was, I was called by two durable medical goods companies regarding the CPAP machine that my doctor has ordered for me. I haven't even talked to him about the diagnosis yet. I think that when I go in on Tuesday I'm going to have to be a bit firm that I want to be considered when decisions are made. I don't want them made for me.

Last Nights Sleep Study

I think I failed it, if that's possible. I was planning to take a picture of me all hooked up with the wires and all, but they made sure that I was all hooked up to the bed before they left the room. After that I was afraid to move. Getting to sleep was next to impossible and then they kept giving me instructions that woke me up. I know, it's part of the study, but made for a bad nights sleep. When I did finally go into a sound sleep they came in and removed part of the monitors and hooked me up to CPAP. I'll have to wait to hear what the doctor has to say after reviewing all the information. Now I could use a nap. I may just go get one.

Sleep Study

I'm having a sleep study tonight and to get prepared for it today meant forgoing the Easter candy. Also the diet coke that I would have had with lunch. I had gatoraide instead. Traded caffeine with sugar. I'm not convinced that was a positive move. Anyway, after dinner I left out and arrived here at the study center. I was shown to this room and assigned to a bathroom on the hall. Not as comfortable as the hotel I stayed in a few weekends ago, but it's not too shabby. I haven't been hooked up to the wires yet, but I feel that will be coming shortly. I'll report more later.

Easter Eve

No one is on Facebook and no one is blogging either. I can't blame them, it's a holiday and a beautiful day at that. Why would anyone be sitting inside working on a computer. There are eggs to dye and hide and flowers to pick. I'm kind of not with it this year. I don't know why. I've always found Easter to be an anti climatic holiday anyway. You get dressed to the nines and go to church then eat yourself into a sugar high. I don't know, it just seems we should have a better way to celebrate the most significant event in history. The debt for sin was paid, there was victory over the grave. There should at least be fireworks. I'm not even clear on if we are cooking dinner this year. Not much has been said about it. I guess I should at least put forth the effort of going to the store and getting the food in case someone is interested in eating it.

I went to see my cardiologist last week and sleep specialist that is in Dr. K's office. I'm getting a sleep study done tomorrow night. Kind of afraid that I'm going to spend a bunch of money for something that isn't going anywhere. We'll see. Dr. K isn't the first doctor to tell me that I need to see a sleep specialist, he's just the first to have the doctor in his office and arrange for me to see one. So weird night sleep with everything being monitored it is. It's just Dr. L, the sleep specialist put on the orders "First available appointment" and then I was given one for the same week. It's kind of reminiscent of the breast cancer diagnosis. I've gotten to where I don't like the front of the line. At least this time I doubt they are going to tell me that I'm going to die of snoring.

Well, I guess I should go buy some eggs and dye and potatoes and stuff.

Happy Easter