Happy 3rd Birthday Jack

Happy Birthday Jack. My, how much you have grown!

Blogiversary

I was on Twitter tonight and another medblogger announced that today was his five year blogiversary. I think the idea is very interesting, but I never considered remembering what day I started my first blog. I know that it was sometime in 1999 at Opendiary, but I couldn't begin to tell you what  day it was. And since the early posts from that diary were obliterated in a hacker attack, I have no record of it.

Resaca Reenactment

This is where I was today. It was the first Civil War Reenactment that I've ever been to, though I'm sure they've been around for years. I first heard about them when I watched the movie "Sweet Home Alabama". I asked my daughter if she'd like to go to one and her eyes got huge and she said "NO MOM PLEEEEEASE!" Seriously, there does seem to be a lot of good ol boys at the event. But the reenactment itself was thought provoking. My first thought was "Why in the name of anything good would anyone even consider going into battle under such conditions?" Then I wondered if modern day methods were any more desirable. I mean what is the advantage of having someone shooting at from a roof over someone shooting at you standing in front of you? I am in no way an antiwar activist. I was born in Ft. Campbell. My father, and brother and son were all 101st Airborne. I support our troops wholeheartedly. But I wonder at the resolve that would face that kind of craziness and still comply with what is being demanded. I think that is the true description of courage. Then I was impressed with the amount of strategy and counter strategy was involved. And I was impressed with the amount of history was known generally by the actors and by the crowds. There was no racial discussion, it was only an exercise of strategy and history. Still I had to notice that it was basically a white bred audience, and I was uncomfortable with that.

Road to Resaca

I am on my way up to Resaca and experiencing serious road rage. It's kind of unusual for me because no one is doing anything to tick me off. I just am pissed. Not only am I pissed, but I am full of anxiety, like I'm going to be late for something. Only there is nothing particularly pressing. Something told me to pull over and check my blood sugar, so I stopped at Waffle House. Good thing, my monitor showed that I'm at 48. I really needed to get something to eat. So I am inside now and just finished a Grilled Texas Cheesesteak Melt and some tomatoes. It's amazing what a better mood I'm in. I guess I'm going to have to recognize that anger and anxiety are my cues that I'm going low. Well, time to pay for my meal and leave the waitress a good tip. She wasn't a particularly good waitress, but they make so little money that I think she'd appreciate it.

This and That

So, today is by some accounts the last day of the world. I can honestly say that I don't believe it. Even if the Christian rapture happens today, there still are depending on if your doctrine, whether you are a pre or mid- tribulation rapture believer, going to be either 7 or 3.5 years of life on this planet. I was raised as a Christian on a pre-tribulational rapture, but have heard arguments that the rapture happens mid-tribulation and decided that I don't have enough information to form a strong opinion either way. Not that it really matters, what happens is what happens. If I'm in it, I'm in it for the full ride and I know what the outcome is. Of course there are denominations like the Catholics and the followers of Arthur Murray that don't believe there is going to be a calling out of the saints. They may be right, but still what I think is going to happen isn't going to change a thing. I can't understand all the hoopla. If today is the last day or just another day, I should still be living my life with eternity in mind.

I didn't go to work yesterday and the reasons were kind of lame. The first and the real truth was that I didn't feel all that well. I was very tired and have been congested with a sore throat since yesterday. But when I added the stress of Rhonda's report meeting, that was enough to convince me that I needed to ditch the day. But as an added incentive, there was the fact that Lizzie needed to use my car and Andrew is in Louisville. I didn't have a ride home. So I called in and slept the day away until around 1:30. When I finally managed to convince myself to get up, take my medicines and eat I remembered that I needed to call Dr. P's office and cancel the appointment with Dr. F and reschedule with Dr. P for a full skin check later in the year. The story is that Dr. P is my dermatologist. I have been bothered by a strange looking mole on my left (read lymphedmeic arm) for a while now. It seems that the mole is growing and that is bad news. The problem is that if it needs to come off it will cause complications because my arm will swell to elephantine proportions and I may get cellulitis. I called Dr. P's office trying to get an appointment and the rude front office person told me "You can't have an appointment with Dr. P until August. You will have to see either Lee or Dr. F.  Lee is a PA, and a highly experienced one and I have never even heard of Dr. F before. Dr. P used to work with Dr. Kim. Hard decision, but with what is at stake, I wanted a doctor to look at my arm. I made an appointment with Dr. F. But I immediately regretted it. And I have been irked with the front office person was so short with me.    Dr. P has always encouraged me to call if I am uncomfortable about anything. He has even said that he'd stay after hours for me. He watched my mother die of melanoma and is uncomfortable with my cancer history and the radiation treatments that I received. On Thursday at the health fair, Lee was there and looked at the place on my arm. He said it was an Leichten Keratosis and is a benign condition, so I'm going to take his word for it. I saw no reason to go in to see Dr. F. I will be sure to mention to Dr. P the attitude of the front office when I go in. I don't expect special treatment for a normal appointment, but I certainly don't want to be met with an attitude when I call in with a problem. 

After rescheduling the appointments I went to lunch and decided to call my son. He is moving to Alabama this weekend. He told me that they were packing and loading the truck. I asked if there was anything that I could do. He asked me to come over and have dinner with them. When I got there, there was a lot of packing still to do. I helped with that and went to dinner, even though I ate a lite dinner. Jack was in Alabama with Amy, and I agree with that. I think the process of moving would unnerve his three year old sensibilities, but if he walks into the new home to find his things in place, he will accept the move much better. We ended the packing fest around 10:30 pm. It seemed the only remaining things to pack were Things that were needed to be used tonight and tomorrow. Of course, we stirred up a lot of dust and the whole place needs to be wiped down, but when everything is out it will be a lot easier to do that. Who knows, they may have even have hired a maid service to do it for them. I left confident that they were in a good place.

Lizzie left yesterday afternoon for the reenactment of the battle of Resaca. It is a Civil War re-enactment. I have been to a few of them, but have never felt really comfortable with them. I think it is because of the fact that history is written by the victors. In their version, the south was completely wrong. But in real life, there is always two sides of the story. But the moral side of one of the sides is so relevant. It is embarrassing that my side of the family oppressed my daughter-in-law's family.  But still the reenactment sounds like something that might be interesting. I have plans to go today. As it is the early morning, I still have time to sleep and make the hour drive to the area. I just don't know what to expect.

I just finished watching an episode of M.A.S.H. It was a favorite as a teenager, and I have an affinity for the show. Even my children appreciate the quality of the episodes. Now it is time to go to bed, and I know it is wise. But I don't want to give it up. I still want to find interesting things to do.

Concert in the Park

The City of Woodstock, like many other cities around the area, has a summer concert series. Tonight Edwin McCain is here and I will be honest about not knowing who he is. But everyone around here seems to be excited about him being here. The park is getting full. But one thing that amazes me is the amount of unruly dogs that are here. Why on earth would someone bring a yappy dog to a concert in the park where many strangers are. I really just don't understand that.

Promise Me

One of the really nice thing that happened at the Race for the Cure, was that Bank of America gave all the survivors a copy of the book "Promise Me" by Nancy Brinkler and Joni Rogers. It is the story of sisters Susan G. Komen and Nancy G. Brinkler and the founding of the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation. I was excited when I heard that there was going to be book, but in the year since I heard about it, I forgot that it should already be out. I was thrilled when the ladies at the booth gave it to me. It took me a week to read it because it kept me crying, but it was so worth reading. Most of the proceeds from the book are going to the foundation, so I would think that it would be expensive. But the jacket tells me that the asking price for this book is only $25.99; normal price for a hardback book, and it supports a great organization.

Atlanta Race for the Cure 2011

I was at the Race for the Cure on Saturday and while I was walking I had the thought, I may be walking in one of the last of these that we ever need to do. In a few years this may not be relevant. Do we thank Nancy Brinkler and just quit, or do we apply the force to another cancer? If Dr. Vincent Touhy is correct, and his research bears fruit, this may be one of the last walks we need for breast cancer. But there is still colon cancer, leukemia, pancreatic cancer, lymphoma, ovarian cancer, brain cancer, on and on into infinity....and what about other conditions? What about MS or diabetes? What about high blood pressure or heart failure and kidney failure? If we applied the same pressure to those conditions, could there be better treatments? I don't think that we should quit walking. I don't think that we should quit racing. I think we should just refocus.  And then I was in the vendor area, I was face to face with my breast surgeon. As I was talking to her I remembered her saying, she only wanted to do breast.  Where will she be in a few years if the mammogram machines, mri machines and steriotactic biopsy machines are mothballed. But you know what, she's a surgeon. I'm sure she will find something else. I'm looking forward to a world without the need for breast cancer walks.

Envelopes

Two white envelopes fell out of the car this evening when my daughter picked me up. They contained a gift (I think) and an invitation. The gift, a card bearing a depiction of Mary and the baby Jesus and declaring that my son had requested a priestly fraternity to pray for my intentions. I love prayers and this is a good gift. But I'm not sure what it means. What intentions are they praying for? Still, I will never turn down prayer for my behalf no matter where they come from. The other was an invitation to my grandson's 3rd birthday party. Really nice, except that it is at his other grandparents house. It kind of burns. And they are lovely people. But it drove home the fact that my son and my grandson are moving oh, so farther away from me. Now I am the one who must travel to see them. And I agree that it isn't so far, but far enough. Big sigh. And then there is the reality that I miss the crap out of my other son and his two sons and truly desire to head in the opposite direction to hug them. Can I do it all in the same weekend? Two hours to the birthday party. A hotel room. A five hour trip the next day taking an extra day after a holiday weekend?...can I do it?  Do I have the funds to do it? I'm tired of missing my family. I wish that we could all be together, but we all seem so different. There doesn't seem to be any common ground here to create a meeting space. Sometimes the meeting spaces that we arrange seem to just create disappointment. One person expected one thing. Another had a different expectation. People get hurt this way. It rarely is good. I grew up with dreams of having my family sharing Sunday lunch around the table. My dreams were crushed. Now there is no hope of reviving them.

Osama bin Laden is dead

When I woke up this morning I heard my sister tell me "Obama is dead, he was killed last night" and I got really pissed off. I don't always agree with him, but I don't wish him any harm. But then I understood what she was saying  that Osama bin Laden was dead and I began weeping. I was pissed that he was found in a palace and not a hole in the rock cave. Then I had to wonder about the tale that he was buried at sea. Unless his family said "We don't want him, and the Saudi government said "Don't bring that riot magnet here!", I cant imagine why the US government would decide to bury him at sea. The whole story just is well, too good to be true. Where are the pictures?

My son gave up four years of his life to this ass hole. He missed three of the first five years of his sons life because of this idiot. I get pissed that I gave up 8 months to cancer. How much should my son rage? If this sounds bad to you, you should try to read the book "Love Greg and Lauren" by Greg Manning. I wonder what emotions Lauren is feeling tonight. It was a nightmare story of survival that I read while I was trying to survive cancer treatments. It took longer to read it than it took to write the emails that the book is based on. I gathered on her strength while I was on chemo. Bad, I know. She shouldn't have to support me. But it is the truth. And every time I was angry about Matt's deployment, I thought about Lauren, standing innocently outside an elevator waiting to be carried up 90 floors to her office. I know the nightmare of lymphatic disruption. I can't imagine her cure. She is sometimes my ultimate heroine. There is part of me that hopes she wept tears of loss and joy like I did. I know that is bad. She deserves her own reaction.

60-99

I woke up this morning at 55. That's 5 points below the level that qualifies for a low blood sugar. Because I need to take a pill for my hypothyroidism, I had to wait until 7:30 to eat. By that point I had raised my blood sugar to 59. Still beneath the level considered acceptable for normal blood sugar. If I was taking insulin, I'd be advised to eat. but, because I'm not there, no advise for me to change my medical strategy is given. I was shakey and sweaty all morning as I was trying to put the video together for this morning's service. It was like trying to negotiate while moving through a cloud. During practice, I ate a 4 carb yogurt, that cleared the fog. But still by the end of the service I was only at 68. My daughter and I ended up at a Mexican restaurant after I had yelled at her. Two hours after eating I was only 78, but I needed to take another pill. It has had me low all evening long. I had a stressful situation to deal with for my brother. I have been low all day with no access to a viable plan to change the situation. I don't see my doctor until Tuesday. She is just going to have to accept that I'm eating to challenge the low. I need an all situation plan. I was told that with only oral medicine I would not go low. That is not what is happening.  I need a plan.