Monday, January 23, 2012

Orienting Light

I am at Bob and De's and I love being here. I helped De deep clean the upstairs area of the cabin today and set the beans to soaking. But I won't pretend that even as used to staying here as I am that the darkness is disorienting. De has lights that help. I have plugged in the bathroom light and the light on the stove and the light to the downstairs where Bob and De live is illuminated. It helps. But I have come to understand that Bob needs illumination to the patient side of receiving treatment. He gets the doctor side of it. The patient side of it baffles him. He wants to go to MD Anderson. I think this is a good idea. A second opinion,even though he has a rock star doctor is  always a good idea. And Bob's family is in Houston. They do not know about his diagnosis yet. The visit could serve a dual purpose. Still, De is worried that Bob will present as a difficult patient. We should all appear so difficult. The doctor breathes it and I live it. If I had the knowledge to not appear a fool when I questioned that would be lovely. Bob has that knowledge. It does not serve well with cancer. He asks the questions they don't want to answer. He has the knowledge to know if they are hedging the answer. The answer is to shoot strait from the hip with him. And he seems to be processing the answers well. He has a lot of questions about the emotional effects of diagnosis and treatment. I have the answers, but they change person to person. I wish there as a CLL.org like there is a breastcancer.org.  He needs support like I needed it.

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