Getting Hard to Hide

I have bought about $30 of make-up just to hide the bruises. On the right is my heavily made up face. Can you see the bruises? I am a little amazed what make-up can do. The problem is that a little bit of sweat or a tear running down my eye, or even just a few hours of make up melt will leave the bruises showing again. I will be glad when all of this heals. But until then, I have to visit three doctors, one of them is my dermatologist who will make me wash off my make up. I can't really remember what happened, so this should be interesting. I just know that I fainted and I hit my head and I have been confused and disoriented quite a bit ever since.

The New Colossus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,

With conquering limbs astride from land to land;

Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand

A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame

Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name

Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand

Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command

The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she

With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

The New Colossus 

Emma Lazarus

Yesterday Morning

Sorry about the poor quality. It was the
best of the bunch.

They tell me I have orthostatic hypertension. It means that when I get up my blood pools in my feet. If I get up too quickly I can lose consciousness.  No biggy, just take my time standing up. I woke up at 6:30 and realized that my alarm, set for 5:30, had not gone off. I jumped from and immediately lost consciousness. I'm not sure if my forehead hit the bed post, or if I just fell face first onto the floor. The result is the only thing I have to go on. I found myself face down on my bedroom floor. And I was late. I called my carpool friend and my manager and decided to stay home. I went back to bed and slept for the rest of the morning. When I finally woke up I realized that I had a goose egg on my forehead. The goose egg has gone down, but the bruise has spread to the corner of my eyes. I'm pretty sure by the end of the day the day it will be evident under my eyes. I think the floor (or the bed post) won this round. I did no damage to either.

My Heart Is Breaking

If I had to list the women I loved in order it would be my mother, my grandmother and my Aunt Joan. Followed quickly by My Aunt Shirley, Aunt Sandra and the former dean of women at the college that I went to.

I found out today that my Aunt Joan may have breast cancer. She is 78 years old. I am very afraid for her. I know how hard chemo and surgery was on me. I can't imagine that she is up for it.

Aunt Joan was my mother's favorite sibling. Not that they didn't love all of them, but Aunt Joan was special. She is special to me. If ever I had a second mother it was her. Her oldest two children are my favorite cousins. We are all withing 3 years of age from each other and we ran as a pack.

My heart is breaking. I want this not to be happening. This isn't the only very sad news that I have gotten in the last 24 hours. I don't think I quit crying today at all.

Massachusettes

"But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."Abraham LincolnNovember 19, 1863

 My son hates Massachusetts even more than he hated Iraq. The people of Massachusetts are still living in the 60's and think that it is fine to spit on service men. Yet they revere Abraham Lincoln, though my son says t hat he has heard the N word there more than he ever heard the word in Atlanta. How is it that you spit on someone who puts his life in jeopardy to secure your right for freedom of expression?

Just calling out the people who add to my son's inability to recover for fighting for their freedom. If you don't like it tough. This is my blog. I will exercise that freedom of expression that my family have so valiantly defended since this country began.

The Text

Almost makes me believe I did something right.

Again

" I fund a new lump before Christmas and the biopsy is positive. Had a port installed to receive chemo...again. The lump grew fast and wild, they rather start the chemo before surgery. God I hate this disease. And I'm tired of crying about it."

I quoted that on this post that I wrote about what breast cancer survivors say to each other respective of what we say to the world. The woman who wrote those words on a Facebook page died recently. She died of pneumonia due to the weakened immune system caused by chemo therapy.

What we say to each other is heavy and serious; far from the sassy blurbs like "Save the TaTa's" and "Of course they are fake. My real ones tried to kill me." The bad news hurts all of us who have been touched not only by our common disease, but the support we have for each other. I will miss my friend.

Office Treats

Every Friday someone from the team that I work on brings in treats. Usually I just ignore them because there is nothing that I can eat. Someone brought the treats in today because we are closed tomorrow for Independence Day. But while I was picking up a soda I found out that they had included fruit and gluten free muffins. Yeah! I get a treat today.  I feel so loved.

I Could Use Your Help With Something

Gluten Free Cookies

I have been wanting to make cookies since Allison gave me two 5 lb bags of Jules Gluten Free Baking Flour. It has been so long since I have baked cookies from scratch that I wasn't sure that I'd remember how to do it.

I got home earlier from Judy's pool party than I expected that I would and really wanted to make them. So I stayed up late baking them. But I realized after I had eaten a couple of them, I didn't want to eat them so much as I just enjoy baking.

The cookies came out looking pretty. Other gluten free cookies that I have tried to bake have been just flat shapeless disks. These have some height and shape to them. And they do taste like a Toll House cookie. The texture is a bit grainier, but they are crisp on the outside and a bit chewy on the inside.

I really like this flour, but like most gluten free flour, it's so expensive I'm usually cautious about what I cook with it. This is a bit different because I didn't have to pay for it. Though, I know that when I have finished the 10 lbs that I was given, I'll want to buy some more. I'll have to decide if it is worth the near $4 a pound price tag. So far I would say yes it is.

So what to do with the cookies...I think I'll take them up to the teenage boys upstairs. They will eat anything.