Artsy Fartsy

 I woke up this morning to a beautiful spring like day. It has been raining for almost two weeks straight. It was so good to see the sun and have temperatures in low 80's and a nice cool breeze to match it. I was so happy to get out in it.

There is a new watercolor exhibit at the Arts Center. The center is small, so I knew that I would be there for less than an hour. It was a nice exhibit even if on the small side. I found out that they will be having pottery classes all summer long. I'm going to see if I can work it in my budget to attend a few of them. The supplies are quite expensive. But I would really like to give it a try. I also found out they will be having a performance of "The Spitfire Grille" on my birthday. I will definitely be attending that.

 It was lunch time when I left the center, and I had been trying to catch a highly recommended neighborhood eatery open. Their hours of operation are really limited, 10:00 am until 2:00 pm. There is sidewalk construction going on in front of the establishment, so as I approached, I wasn't sure that they'd be open. They were, but once inside I was confused as to why they are so highly recommended. The place has the look and feel of a neighborhood dive bar, where you meet up with your pusher type of atmosphere. Why on earth a place that is only open for lunch needs a bar is a bit more than I want to know about. I got the chicken queso fries and a diet coke to go. I ate them at home. The food makes up for the atmosphere, but I think from now on if I feel the need to eat out for lunch, I will order on the app and have it delivered to my home. Seriously do not want to be seen hanging out there. 

I had the afternoon stretching before me, and little to do with it. I decided to give the apartment a good clean. And while I was doing that I once again realized that I have been unhappy with my bathroom cleaner. I suppose that it is clean. But it just doesn't give the bathroom that sparkle or the freshly cleaned smell I really want. I walked to Publix to get some scrubbing bubbles. I don't know what it is with that stuff, but nothing else give the bathroom that just cleaned feeling like it does. The second trip out and about pushed my step count over 10,000 for the day. I'm rather proud of myself for that, if not a little tired.

When I got home, I finished off the last of the lemonade that I had made the day before and decided that I really like it. I made another batch and drank a glass or two of it. I should have made dinner but decided to make cookies instead. You could say that I made cookies for dinner. I am living my inner child after all. What child doesn't want chocolate chip cookies and lemonade for dinner? 

Tomorrow is forecast to be another beautiful day. I may go hang out on the bookstore porch for a while. I want to save my energy to be able to head downtown in the evening for the summer arts festival. St. Dunstan is going to have local student musicians performing in the garden, That sounds pretty interesting to me. But I haven't heard their music yet, so we will have to see.

New Church

I'm glad that I walked into town yesterday to buy an umbrella. What a gift. This morning it gave me the courage to walk back into town to go to church even though it looked like it might rain again. The weather was warm and muggy. It probably will be well into October, and I suspect that it will get a lot worse as the summer progresses. 

What a difference the church today was. So many people introduced themselves to me. I have never attended an Episcopal church before. I am unaccustomed to the run of service, and they were so kind to help me know what to do.  I was invited to come back on Tuesday to just sit and enjoy their garden and just socialize. 

I went across the street from the church to have brunch after the service. It was a very nice way to end a great morning. I had huevos rancheros, and while they really weren't the best I've ever had, they were good. The service was excellent and the price was reasonable. It is so good to be able to go out to eat and not feel like I'm being fleeced. 

It rained on my way home, and I was so glad to have the umbrella. I took a long nap that was very refreshing. I took another walk after I woke up, mainly because I was bored. I took a picture of several of the houses that I pass while walking the town. This one always catches my eye. Maybe because it has a beautifully smelling jasmine bush in the front yard. 

So Much for a Sabbath Rest

I told myself that I didn't have to get out and walk today. I said that it is Saturday, so a good day to rest. But when I woke up I felt rested and refreshed. And I could actually see the sky. I knew that there was a Publix market in the middle of downtown. I have been wanting to find it. I wanted to know if it is actually a grocery store, and not just a abbreviated version of a store like Target is. I decided to walk downtown to find it. I told myself that if I found it I'd buy myself an umbrella that fits inside my small backpack. 

I walked downtown. The air was warm and muggy. I didn't see Publix where I  thought that it would be. I pulled out my phone and I was standing where the map app said it should be. I walked up another street and found the Episcopal Church that I'd seen before. There was a woman weeding the flower beds. She stopped to talk to me a bit. She was really nice, and invited me to the service tomorrow morning at 10:00. I will go. She pointed me to Publix, which was actually where the map app said it would be, but the sight of it was blocked by another building. 

It is a full size store. If you are used to the prices of the PNW, it is reasonably priced. For local standards, the buy one, get one deals make it more affordable. It is about as affordable as getting Walmart, Kroger or Aldi deliver my groceries. It will be a good choice when I only need a few things. I might get myself one of the foldable wagons, like they use to pull children around street festivals. 

I bought a few boxes of tea, some chocolate chips and Heath chips and an umbrella. I thought I was so clever. I thought that since I'd bought an umbrella it wouldn't rain on me for the rest of the summer. Man plans and God laughs. I hadn't gotten all the way across the street when the sky opened up and poured. My umbrella was great for keeping my head and torso from getting wet. But the rain blew in and soaked my shoes. 

 

Alone Again

I have a walking stick that I have a love/hate relationship with. I bought it on Amazon shortly after I moved to Washington. I was still experiencing a lot of arthritis and weakness in my left hip and a cane had me bent over too much. A walking stick is much better for posture. But the stick is bamboo, and shiny and obviously not hand-made. In my mind, a walking stick is something that is supposed to be personal. In my perfect made-up world, where my imagination lives, I would find a suitable stick lying in a forest and hand smooth and decorate it myself. Well, the sticks that fall in the forest belong to someone else, and I never go walking in forests anymore. 

While De was here, we came across two large piles of wood on the streets we were walking on. The recent storms have been hard on the trees. We looked through them to see if we could find a branch that would provide a reasonably long solid shaft to make a hand-made stick from. But the trees fell with the storms because they were unhealthy to begin with. And the couple of likely candidates were already rotting. De suggested that I might be able to find a natural shaft online and she was right. I don't know why I never thought of that. Of course someone will be selling something like that.

I was able to find a seller of shafts on Ebay. I want to say that it is more expensive that it should be. But after seeing the difficulty of finding acceptable limbs to make one out of, I do kind of understand the expense. I chose a hazel wood shaft. I don't know why that one spoke to me. I really wanted ash or birch, but the seller didn't have any, and hazel seemed appropriate for some reason.. I have also purchased a set of wood carving tools to make the stick something that is more personal to me. I have never done wood carving, and I have no idea of what I'm doing. I will have to watch YouTube videos to get a clue. But I am excited about the new project. I will move the "store-bought" stick to a less prominent location in the apartment. The love part of the relationship has me not wanting to get rid of it completely.

De left yesterday, and I feel adrift again. The aloneness seemed to close in on me last night and I ended up going to bed at 8:30 instead of dealing with my feelings about it. That decision, of course had me waking up at 0 dark-thirty this morning. Now, once again I don't know what to do with myself. I am not hungry enough to eat and it is too dark out to take a walk. I could clean, but it is pointless. The apartment is already clean. 

I will go to North Georgia to visit with De later in the summer. I'd really like to be there in the fall, because the town she lives in has very cool festivals in the fall. I'm sure that everyone wants to visit her then, but summer works.

 

Exhaustion

Today was hard emotionally, and I'm not sure what sparked it. I had plans to visit another church this morning, but when I stepped outside my door the weather didn't look encouraging. It looked as if at any moment a storm could come and drench everything, including me if I dared to be out in it. My neighbor, Shequan was out on the shared porch. She agreed with me and encouraged me to to watch a church that she liked on YouTube. 

I went in and tried to watch the service that she suggested, but it isn't the same as being there. And the church that she likes is a bit farther than I think I'd like to walk on a Sunday morning to attend services, even though it did seem like a church I might fit in at. I decided to see if my home church in Georgia was placing their services online, and they are. But I started weeping and couldn't stop for quite some time. It felt like a dyke had broken and every sorrow that I had suppressed for the past eight years came pouring out. 

Even after the emotional outburst stopped, tears would spring unbidden from my eyes for a few hours. I tried to distract myself, first by making some bread dough to bake when my friend comes on Tuesday, and then by doing some of the more deep cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom. 

Shortly after noon, the weather cleared a bit. I was feeling hemmed in and felt like I needed to walk off the lingering sadness. Walking to the intersection that turns out of my apartment complex, I saw this bike leaning against the stop sign. Something about it angered me. I was sure that someone had stolen it and abandoned it there. I took this picture to send to the police when I got home. Then I walked off in a huff. I had planned to walk up to a fast food restaurant that my son told me had pretty good fried chicken. He was wrong about that.

I got lost looking for the restaurant and ended up down town, near the church that I had planned to attend. I thought that I had found another book store, but realized that it is one that I'd already been in. I thought about stopping in one of the many pizza and beer joints that are down town, but they were crowded with people. And I didn't know which I could order a single slice of pizza at. I didn't want to have to order an entire pizza. I decided to walk home, feeling defeated

On the way back home, I found the restaurant that I'd planned to eat at. There was a woman coming out when I reached the door. She asked me if I had a few dollars that I could spare her. She said that she needed to get a cab somewhere. I'd had four one dollar bills in my wallet for most of the year, so I gave them to her. She seemed very pleased with it, and gave me an orange baseball hat that says "Happy Dad" on it. She said I could give it to my husband. I took it without explaining there is no husband to give it too. 

The restaurant was empty when I went in. But a few other people showed up after I'd been there a while. The girl at the register was nice. The food was only okay even for fast food expectations. The walk home was uneventful, except the bike was gone when I got back to the intersection. I was glad that I didn't need to find the public service page to report it.

At home again, I sat on my couch and enjoyed how comfortable it is. And I realized that I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I decided to take a nap and ended up sleeping deeply for three and a half hours. After I got up, I finished off the last of the waffles and boiled eggs that I had in the refrigerator and I thought that I should have eaten them for lunch rather than the fast food. 

I have supplies to make salmon and chicken linguini, and lasagna and caprice salad while De is here. I will have fresh bread and home made cookies and ice cream for her. I will feed her well. Hopefully she will want to come back. 

But now, even after a long nap in the afternoon, I am still exhausted. And I don't really understand what sparked it.                                                                                            

 

New Couch

I woke up later this morning than usual. I stayed up late lamenting my decision to buy a new couch. I was afraid that it was too big for my living room. I was afraid that it would be the wrong color. I was afraid that it wouldn't inflate properly and I'd be stuck with an eyesore. 

When I did get up, I decided to put my fears to rest. I moved the furniture out of the way and unboxed the new couch. I couldn't be more pleased with it. It is not too large. It is the perfect color. It inflated easily. It is so incredibly comfortable that it could easily be used as a guest bed. 

Tim came over this evening to help me dispose of the old couch. We were going to take it to Goodwill, but one of my neighbors saw us taking it out and asked if he could have it. We helped him move it into his rather bare apartment.  He is thrilled with his new couch too, and we didn't have to support Goodwill. I couldn't be more pleased about that. And I made a new friend.

Tim and I had dinner at a nearby Mexican restaurant and discussed wedding stuff and Jacks graduation.  Afterward, I sent Tim home with the cookies I made last night, a couple of jars of jelly and Jack's birthday present. 

Now I need to clean my apartment well. De and Bob will be coming to visit on Tuesday. She is like me, only a lazy housekeeper. But I'd still like to get the place to sparkle for her. 

Trail

I found myself at the neighborhood bookstore again this morning. I wanted to find a walking trail that was close to home for when it becomes too hot to walk during the day, and I was successful. It runs behind the arts center and comes out on the sidewalk beside the bookstore. It will be a welcome shortcut. 

The air was heavy with moisture when I was walking. It had rained during the night and was threatening to again. But the morning was cool enough to drink hot tea, and I think that I have found my favorite. It is called Georgia Sunrise. It is a peach tea and is delicious with honey. 

I sat at the bookstore for an hour and wrote in my moleskin journal some feelings that I had buried deep for a long time. These aren't thoughts that I feel safe sharing with anyone, but writing them out felt so good. I hope that it will help to exorcise them.   

When I got home, I began cleaning out the refrigerator. I threw out the pickled egg experiment that I started a few weeks ago. The brine became cloudy almost immediately and now had pieces of I don't know what floating in it. I just threw it away, jar and all. I wasn't brave enough to open it. So with a failed experiment under my belt, I decided to try again. Now my apartment smells of vinegar and dill. If I'm brave enough I will be able to try them in a week.

Daily Constitutional

I have been continuing on my efforts to get out and walk everyday. Most days it has been using up all my spoons and leaving me feeling as if I can do nothing else for the rest of the day than sit on the couch. I will persist with it, hoping that it will at sometime become easier with practice. 

Friday I walked into town using a route that looks shorter on maps, but has me walking up steep inclines. Town is a bit disappointing. Many of the shops are empty. With the looming recession, I'm sure that will continue to increase as the shops that are there cater to tourist coming in for game days. There are plenty of bars to cater to the college students. But even the chain restaurants are closing shop and getting out of Dodge. It would be far more to my liking if there were an antique store and a thrift store or two. But I suspect that the rent around Toomer's Corner is pricing them out of the market there. There was a book store that seems to have been opened by one of the founders of the town. But it is the kind of place that I will look at the book there and order it from Thriftbooks when I get home. 

I did manage to find churches from the major denominations in the center of town. I went to one of them on Sunday. Let me say this first: I cleaned up before I went. I showered, put on a nice dress, combed my hair and brushed my teeth. There is no way I could be mistaken for a homeless person or a bum. But other than the teens who were standing outside with signs greeting everyone as they walked in, no one spoke one word to me. Even during the "Turn around and greet those around you" portion of the service, everyone around me meticulously looked in another direction so they wouldn't have to say something to me. I will try the other churches, but one is a bit farther than I want to walk and the other is a Baptist church. I'm really not much of a Baptist. I was gobsmacked as I was walking home. I have never been to a church where not one person said a word to me before. Then an elderly gentleman pulled his car beside me as I was walking home and asked me if I was Pat. I told him no, and to have a nice day, That exchange left me with more of the incredulous feeling that I had. I seemed approachable enough for the gentleman to wonder if I was someone he knew, but not for someone in that church to simply say "hello".

On Monday I walked to the coffee shop that is down the road from me. It is a hang-out for the college kids in the area who want to seem bookish and not into the frat scene, as  they live among the frat houses. I listened to them trying to sound intelligent and thoughtful as they discussed the latest books until I could stand it no longer. I turned off my hearing aids and finished my tea and cinnamon bun and made my way home with my newly purchased Moleskin journal. I have been needing a place to keep lists that I find myself dependent on. 

On Tuesday I decided to go to a nearby park and work on a draft of a letter to Mollie. I heard the Grand Poo-bah of snake oil and fad diets declare that American women are under-babied. There seems to be a lot of pressure on young women to breed to excess these days. Never mind that it is coming from the "Can't feed em, don't breed em" crowd. I had promised myself that I would not discuss my children's reproductive choices, but I now feel that I needed to say something to her. I encouraged her to ignore anyone who wants to exert pressure on her and make her own decisions. I know she will, but it doesn't hurt to know that someone else agrees with you. I almost decided not to send the letter, but as I was stepping out of the park I found a small charm on the ground that looked a lot like her deceased dog. It seemed to me that George was sending me a sign that I should send the letter. When I got home, I wrote it out in a nice card and sent it to her. 

This morning I almost decided not to walk. It was supposed to be raining, but when I saw what a beautiful morning it was, it changed my mind, As I was walking out the door I decided to wear my new hat. It did get a lot of notice, and not all of it bad. I have always felt that I really wasn't a hat person, but this one is changing my mind about that. It fits well and I just kind of like it. When we were in Texas my son wanted to take his Knights of Columbus pin off his suit and I encouraged him not to. I told him that if anyone had a problem with it, it was their problem not his. He shouldn't change who he is to make them feel more comfortable. I feel the same about this hat. If someone has a problem with it, they are the one with a problem. I'm wearing my hat.

Walk it Off

I have started walking again. I want to place the blame for being homebound on laziness, but the truth is that anxiety plays a large part of it too. Somehow, my mind exaggerates the distance I need to walk to arrive anywhere and the safety of doing so. If I pay attention to the neighborhood chats, I'd think that packs of wild rabid dogs are roaming the streets. The truth is that I am only a few short blocks from town and the only rabid dogs are college kids on Saturday night. I made this amazing discovery just in time for it to get to be summer in the south.

And the Target here is smaller than my apartment. I don't want to shop at Target anyway. 

 

Keeping it Up

Since I moved in, I have tried to keep the place up. Not a daily scrub down, but top cleaned at least. But I arrived home from Texas exhausted and having been sick over the last few days, things have been a bit neglected. Today, it got on my nerves. It seems that I have become accustomed to living in a clean and tidy place. Having a thin layer of dust on the dressers and a growing pile of dirty laundry in the basket just isn't cutting it for me. I still don't have a ton of energy, but I did manage to push the button on the Roomba and sweep and mop the kitchen and bathroom. The laundry is going to have to wait for another day. 

The dress I bought for the wedding and the matching shoes arrived this afternoon. The shoes fit so well. I can always trust Sketchers to be true to size. But the dress is just a bit to large. It is on clearance, so I went ahead and ordered the next size down. Hopefully it will arrive with the amazing speed that the larger size did. I am going to wait closer to the wedding to decide which one to return. I'm almost afraid that the one I have is only too large because the last few days of illness have left me temporarily smaller. 

The dress looks exceptionally better on the model than I think the proper sized one will look on me, but I like it. The lace is very thick and heavy. When I saw it I had a memory flash of my grandmother wearing a similar dress in black lace. She had on white gloves and a pill box hat that matched the dress. I suspect that she made them both. The memory was so clear that I even remembered the smell of the perfume that she was wearing. I am going to wear my pearls with it and carry a small silver clutch that I bought in a thrift shop in Washington. I think that I will look styling for an old fat lady.