Can I Have Some Cheese With This Whine?

It is still hot; not just hot, but that muggy clingy kind of hot. Any relief that we have had from it has been both inadequate and very short lived. The talking head weather prognosticators on YouTube keep swearing that fall is coming. But in the same breath they will point out that it is not coming for the Tennessee Valley and Gulf Coast. The life of the heat dome that has covered us since the early part of June has been extended well beyond the October line in the sand and the limits of my patience. Even I am tired of hearing my whining about it, and the advice that if you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all plays in my head as I type these words. But how many cat pictures can I post of this blog?

We were supposed to have a meeting to discuss the developments that have taken place concerning the purchase of the apartments and the upcoming demolition. But the meeting was called off at the last minute. Supposedly it was to allow the speakers more time to prepare. That reason sounds a bit like "my dog ate the speakers homework" to me. With no meeting to attend, I decided it was a good time to get my laundry done. While I was in the laundry room I met a couple of my neighbors that I haven't met before. Adrian is a teacher at the middle school and Bill works on a construction crew. They told me that a lot of my neighbors are not very aware of the plans for our homes, and many of the ones that are aware don't believe that it will happen. Bill and Adrian only knew of the rumors that have been flying around Facebook regarding it. I told them of the postponed meeting and invited them to the new meeting giving them the time and place. Then Bill said maybe we will get those $5000 checks before everyone has to move. Without thinking I said I was expecting mine to show up about the same time the DOGE and tariff checks arrive. The look on Bills face told me how thoughtless my comment was. He really is expecting that check. When you lack what is necessary to deal with the reality of a situation, delusion offers a strange comfort. Am I that bitch who stomps on peoples fingers as they are clinging to the side of a cliff? I fear for my neighbors.

The next day we (the tenants of the apartments) received an email from the property management company reminding us that we were still bound by the lease agreement. If we chose to leave before our leases expire we would still be liable for the rent due and lose our deposits. Damn! They are all in it for themselves. Not only are they willing to make 200 or more people homeless, they don't want those people to leave until it suits their purposes. Their greed exceeds all of the needs of the people who live here.

It isn't good new for me. I have found the apartment that I want. The more I research it, the more convinced that I want to be living in that apartment. I will be royally pissed if I miss out on that apartment due to the greed of the owners of the apartments that I currently live in. I wonder if the new apartment leasing agent will allow me to put a deposit down on it this early. My lease doesn't expire for four months. One to two months are the expected time to hold apartments. I suppose I could ask if they'd be willing to hold an apartment that long. The worst is that they could say no and I am no better or worse off than I am now. 

In other things to whine about, Blogger is still not loading reading lists. It is an annoying bother, but it got me to cull my blogs I follow list. I used the manage feature to look at them all and deleted those who have not posted in more than two years. I deleted a whole lot of blogs and it made me sad. Back in the day we spent a lot of time on each other's blogs. 

If Blogger was the only app or website that was acting up, that would be enough. But I needed to pay my bills and a few of those apps were having problems. I like to have my bills paid by the first of the month. But here it is the middle of the month and I was still having problems getting into the app to pay on. I knew the due date was near so I called the service number to get help. They strongly wanted me to pay the bill online or go into a brick and mortar store to pay it. But after I explained to three different people that the app was down and the nearest store is in another state they finally agreed to allow me to pay it over the phone. I kept thinking, "geez, do you want the money or not?" Paying a bill should not be made that difficult. 

Last whine of the day, I promise. I am at the point of exhaustion with the phlebitis in my arm. Like a cold that lingers, it is better, but the phlebitis is not gone. I am tired of the schedule of medication, of having to elevate my arm, of the warm compresses; but mostly I'm tired of the pain. I just want this to be over. I promise myself every night that it will be better when I wake up, then I am disappointed when it isn't as better as I'd like it to be.

So that's it, all my whines while the reading list is down and not many people are around to be bothered by them. I try to distract myself by binge watching Survivor. But that makes me uneasy. I wonder if it isn't a statement of how low civilization has gone. 

Boring Stuff

Since Blogger isn't updating reading lists, I thought I'd take this opportunity to blog about the boring stuff. Don't you hate it when people start telling you about the dreams they had. I do. I have often wondered how therapists don't loose their minds listening to people drone on and on. 

Well, I had a  dream and it was so unremarkable that I didn't remember it until last night when I decided to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. I picked up the bread out of my bread bowl and just the slimmest portion of the dream caught my attention. I dreamt that I was going to make my sister a grilled cheese sandwich because she really only eats bread and cheese. But when I opened the bag of bread, it had molded and I didn't have any bread to make her sandwich with. That is all of the dream that I remember. Nothing more. But it had me wondering all day why my brain chose to come up with that. If dreams are supposed to mean something psychologically, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Seriously, if I was a counselor and had to listen to this kind of drip all day...And why the hell did my brain suddenly bring the dream forward today after having buried it. It should have kept it buried. Just a though...or maybe a dream.

If you found this blog without your reading list, my apologies. Maybe I should have posted pictures of kittens.

9/11

It's September 11, one of those days that I can remember exactly what I did all day, even 25 years later. I remember what I read that morning. I remember what I was wearing.  I saw the CEO of a Fortune 50 company cry; we all cried. I remember the two teenaged boys standing on the bridge waving large American flags as I drove home that evening. The anger and despair brought us together.

This morning a different kind of despair has overtaken where I live. People here swing between being dejected and angry. I saw my neighbor sitting on his balcony. His head was bowed low. He's elderly, and not well. But he helps the woman living next door to him get her children down the stairs and into her car every morning. She has infant twins, a toddler and a four year old. His help is vital to her; he is her village.

In Washington, a town would deal with their "homeless problem" by tearing down the tents of the destitute, destroy all their belongings and tell them to move on the next town. Then the next town would do the same and chase them back where they came from. The same thing is being done here, but you don't have to be homeless to be the problem. The town doesn't want all those poor people hanging around. So tear down their homes and make them move on to the next town. What happens when the next town decides that it doesn't like the "eyesore" of poverty?  Do they tear down their homes too?  Washington didn't solve their homeless population by chasing the homeless around the Sound. It just made the homeless more poor, more desperate, less stable. That is what will happen here. 

We swing between despair and anger, but this is making us notice our neighbors. It is bringing us together. 

 

Thursday

Yesterday was productive. I did all the laundry. I deep cleaned my living room. I went through the drawers and closets and got them organized and ready for the move. There wasn't much to get rid of. I have only been here for 10 months. It took me forever to feel at home here. This place has always felt temporary to me, like a dorm room or an extended stay AirB&B one would settle into during a long business trip. I wonder if that wasn't a sense of foreboding. I've done my best to make it comfortable. Now I wonder if that isn't going to work against me when I move. I worry that my furniture won't fit the new space, that I won't be able to organize my things to work as well as they do here. 

I get obsessive when I am in transition. I will look into hotel rooms, plane or train tickets, routes, anything and everything I can control as soon as I know that I am travelling. When I am moving, I look into apartments, neighborhoods, even down to the availability of sidewalks. As if somehow my planning will allow me to control the unknown. 

I have been cyber-stalking the apartment complex that I hope to move into, Yesterday they listed another unit up for rent. That makes three and one has been listed for over a year. Normally that would be a red flag for me, but most of the apartments in that area that are listed have been for a long time. Google and AI say that it's a low crime area. I tell myself that even if it's the hood, the hood has a library, coffee shops, antique shops, grocery stores and churches in walking distance. I can't allow myself to be afraid of people. Most people aren't out to hurt me. Besides, as far as it goes in this town, the apartments that I'm living in are the hood. It's a nice hood, but as hood as it gets here. 

My decision has been made. I will be moving as soon as I can to north Alabama. I guess it's time to start packing.

Heatwave Continues

I am well over the heat. I find myself checking the weather app every morning hoping to see if a break in the heat will come soon. I do it with the same fervency that I search the news to find out if he is dead yet. It is 6:00 pm and it is still over 90 degrees and the humidity! I've been in cooler saunas. 

I talked with the property manager to try to find out some information that might inform my relocating decision. I was told that there isn't an active contract on the property. There was only a possibility for a sale. but the property needed to be rezoned before that could happen. Since the rezoning happened, there hasn't been an offer made on the property. As of now the property owner is requiring that the lease agreements be respected. New leases are being granted and lease extensions will go forward with an addendum saying that the lease will be void in the event of a sell with 60 days written notice. But since that conversation surveyors have been on the property. In the mean time several of my neighbors have found apartments elsewhere only to find out that they are being held to the terms of their existing leases. If they choose to leave early, they are still responsible for the rent that is due. I have found a few acceptable apartments in the area that I would like to live in. The one that I really would like has been listed for a year, and the others have been uninhabited for quite a while. I feel I can safely wait to make any decisions. I have started to look into moving companies and I am disgusted. They are all such scams and no matter which one I use it's going to be a whole lot of money I shouldn't have to spend. Frustrating. 

And to add to my growing lack of well-being and speaking of money that I shouldn't have to spend, I have developed phlebitis in my right arm. It is in a surface vein, as opposed to a deep one, which would be worse. But I've just blown through my savings and have been sent home with a lot of blood thinners which increases my fatigue factor by many times. So I'm sitting here with a bowl full of rainbow sherbet while I'm waiting for my dinner to cook. Nothing like having desert before dinner. 

Visitors

My son and his family came to visit me on Saturday to celebrate my birthday a week late. They brought presents and cake and took me to lunch. It was great getting time to visit with them all, especially my grandson. 

Jack seems as if he's come into his own now and seems to have found himself again. He is studying to become a paramedic. He says that it isn't what he wants to do as a lifelong career, it is just something that he is doing to make himself employable. But he talks about his classes and clinicals enthusiastically. and there is a lightness to him that has been missing for a long time. Likewise, Tim seems to be doing well. Married life becomes him. He is healthier than I have seen him in many years. He appears to be younger and less burdened than he has been. His laughter was genuine and not cut with the same cynicism that used to be there. It was good to seen them both thriving. Sadly, I do not know Emily and Nathan well enough to observe any differences, but I hope that Emily's mother is seeing the same difference in them. 

 We ended up eating at IHOP because there was something going on at the university and all the restaurants downtown were very crowded. Actually, IHOP was crowded in it's own right. But we were able to get a table without a wait and the food was very good. I decided to get chicken and waffles. When I remarked that the waffles were so much better than the ones I make, Jack told me that he thought my waffles were very good, He has just earned himself waffles on request. Still, the waffles at IHOP are very good. 

After lunch we came back to my apartment for gifts and cake. They bought me two really nice books full of knitting patterns that are well beyond my ability level. I am going to attempt a few of the simpler  patterns anyway. I am fairly sure that even the most basic ones from either book will be a challenge. I am flattered that they thought that my work is on an equal level to the patterns in the books. 

We had two small cakes; a carrot cake and a red velvet cake. Both were Emily's family's recipes. They are a family of bakers and carrot cake is their go to cake for every occasion. I was glad that they left the remainders with me. I finished them off for lunch today. I do love cake. 

I did not take any pictures of the celebration. Emily's family spend every occasion snapping pictures and it annoys Emily. She says that nobody sits in the moment and just enjoys it. So I feel constrained not to pull out my phone and snap away while we are together. But she is right. It is better to live the moment than to try to create a photo essay of what it should have been. I might snap a photo or two on holidays though, just to have a few for memories sake.

We discussed my upcoming move and I think I have convinced them that it might be worth it to make the trip up to see me every once in a while. I have decided to move to the small north Alabama town I had planned to move to before I came here. I have found an apartment there I think I can be happy with. It is in the historic district of the town and close to everything. The library is across the street. There are shops and restaurants and churches within a few blocks. The town square and the park where festivals are held is around the block. And I have family in the area. Tomorrow I will call my current leasing company to find out if they are open to me terminating my lease now, or if I will have to wait until February to move. I'll see how it goes.

Reality Setting In

 On Monday this sign showed up on the property. A sign like that is never good news. I took a picture of it and went inside to call the number. 

A meeting was held on Thursday, after only four days of notice to the tenants of the property. A developer, who has no connection to the property asked the city planning commission for permission to tear down the apartments in order to build more student housing. There is almost no rental housing in this city that is not designated as student housing. But without allowing input by any of the tenants who attended the meeting, they decided on a 7-2 basis to give the permission. Mind you, the developer does not at this time own the property. Apparently the owners and the management partners of the property were as blindsided as the tenants were. 

But here is the down low. The apartments are very old and not in the best condition. The rents are the lowest in the city that isn't low-income subsidized housing. The land under the apartments is likely worth more than the complex itself.  Our eviction is pending. 

By law they have to give us 60 days notice and pay our moving expenses. But we still have to find affordable housing in a city where that doesn't exist. 

A tenants union has organized. I have my doubts that it will be effective against the mindset that poverty is a criminal offense. Those planning commissioners are up for re-election on Tuesday. We will see how that goes. I do not hold out hope.

The reality is that I will most likely need to move sooner rather than later. My lease is until the end of January. That means that they either have to extend my lease at the end of November, or let me know that they won't be extending it. Even if they extend my lease, with a letter they can cancel it at any time as long as I am give 60 days to vacate. I have not been looking for housing in this town. There are a few towns on the other side of the state line that are reasonably priced. It is about 40 miles from here. I have the income and credit score that renting elsewhere shouldn't be a problem. Or I could go north to the town where I was originally attempting to relocate when I came here. There are several apartment that are well within my reach. But they are farther away from my children. 

Having so much recent experience with moving I feel confident that I can pack everything in my apartment and be out in two weeks. I don't think moving, other than having to pay the expense of it upfront to be re-imbursed should be that much of a problem. But I just don't want to do it

My plan is to stay here until I am told that I must move. Then I will move to be out on the day they tell me is the last day I can be here. 

Damn! I am tired of having to start over because of other peoples stupidity.

Dumbty Trumpty

Another morning I wake up and pray "Please God, just let him have died during the night." Another morning I turn on the television news only to find out that Dumbty Trumpty is still on the wall....

Well Damn!

Long Sleep and Laundry

I turned the air conditioner down. I needed it a little cooler so that I could sleep. And I did sleep. I slept for sixteen hours.  When I woke up it was in the very early hours of the morning and I was starving. 

I should have made eggs. I have a very lot of them. But I really wanted spaghetti and I had some hamburger meat thawed out. So I made it and ate a good bit of it. While I was eating I marveled at how indulgent I have become. If my children had ever asked for spaghetti for breakfast, they would have been given a lecture on how busy mornings are and handed a glass of carnation instant breakfast and a piece of peanut butter toast. 

When the sun came up I went outside to see the morning and found out that even though the temperatures were still warm, there was a nice breeze. It felt pretty decent. I almost decided to take a walk, but there was a growing mountain of laundry that was crying to be washed. I decided to be responsible and wash the clothes. There were five loads and that didn't include the bedding that I will do on Monday. The laundry room is less busy on Mondays. 

On one of my trips to the laundry room, I met Shequan and offered her one of the cartons of eggs. I was so happy that she  took it. She seemed happy to get it. That is 18 eggs that I'm not going to have to worry about eating or going bad. 

After all the clothes were washed folded and put away I was exhausted. The heat had gotten to me again. I took a cool shower and decided to take a nap. I was shocked when I slept for another six and a half hours. I just don't do well with heat, even with air conditioning. 

When I got up I discovered a couple of packages at my door. They had been there all afternoon. One of them was a birthday present. My middle child sent me an Echo Show. It took me a minute to get it set up but only because I forgot my Alexa password. It turned out that I didn't really need it. I only needed to put in the code that was sent to my email. 

The other package held some charging cords and a new planter for my ginger plants. I replanted them this evening. I'm hoping that I haven't killed them by moving them, but if I did, I will just get another ginger root and try again. I am going to have to get a mat to go under the plant for when I water it. 

The temperature heated up after the coolness of the morning and hasn't let up since. Even in the middle of the night the temperature in in the mid 80's and the humidity is high. I keep hearing that next week the jet stream will move and a polar vortex will reach the deep south. They are saying that it will be the beginning of fall. I am so ready for it. 

Show of Vanity

I have my groceries delivered these days. It seems like such a novel service now, and almost indulgent. Until the last few years the service hasn't been available widely. 

When I was a child, my grandmother would have her groceries delivered as a way to show off her affluence. The neighbors would see that Mrs. Foreman has her groceries delivered and wish they were as well off as she was. She would only have items delivered that she could be sure of the quality, like canned goods, bags of flour and rice and Wonder Bread. But then she'd tie a silk scarf over her curlers and put on her sunglasses to go into the next town over to get meat and produce where she could choose the quality of it for herself. She claimed she preferred the butcher or the green grocer there. We all knew that it was all vanity with her.

For me, it's not a matter of wanting to appear to be rich. Without a car, I have no other means of getting my groceries, especially in the kind of hot weather we have had this summer. When the weather turns cooler, I can walk into town and shop at the grocery stores there. And I am sure I will enjoy doing that. But I am awfully glad that I live in an area where I can have my groceries delivered. 

The grocery store made a mistake when it fulfilled my order. I usually order two, eighteen count cartons of eggs. They sell them in bundles, but I don't order the bundles as the bottom carton usually has broken eggs in it. Instead I chose the single cartons and order two. The store delivered two of the bundles. I already had a partial carton of them, so now I have seven dozen eggs. I like eggs. I use a lot of them, They are a cheap source of protein, and very versatile... but seven dozen eggs is an awful lot for one person. When Jerome and Shequan get home from work today, I will see if they might like some free eggs. Otherwise, I will be eating a lot of egg salad in the coming week. 

I also had my birthday cake delivered with the groceries. It is waiting in the refrigerator with the abundance of eggs. I will enjoy it on Saturday after I get home from whatever outing I decide to treat myself with. The birthday cake and day out is my show of vanity.