What's a Lil' White Lie Among Friends

I said the other day that my window for walks was closing due to the weather, and I am not lying about that. It is true that I don't feel that it is safe to go out walking in 90-degree heat with 80% humidity. It is a recipe for heat sickness if not heat stroke. But I have been suffering from insomnia for a while now and it is quite frustrating. I woke up at 3:00 am, wide awake. No amount of lying still, trying to quiet my mind and pretending I was sleeping was going to change a thing. So, I did what any reasonable person would do. I quit pretending and got up having had only four hours of sleep. 

I thought that a small breakfast would help matters and fixed myself a bacon egg and waffle sandwich with a nice cup of herbal tea. I took a warm shower hoping that it would convince my body that it should really be sleeping, but no. It only served to wake me up more. I read halfway through the book I am supposed to have finished for Tuesday's book club. No luck. I gave up and made the bed. It was obvious to me that no amount of bedtime routines was going to convince my mind and body that it should be sleeping. 

By the time that I came to the conclusion that I would be getting no more sleep on this night, the sun was already up on a cloudy morning. I looked at my watch, and it told me that the temperature was in the low 70's, albeit with high humidity. I decided that once again I could beat the summer heatwave and sneak in a walk. It was a good choice. The combination of being before 7:00am and Sunday had only the people seeking exercise out and about on the roads. It was a pleasant walk, and I ended up going twice as far as I had planned. When I returned home I wasn't exhausted. I wasn't covered in sweat and gasping for anything cold to drink.  And I felt proud of myself for having gotten in my goal of 7500 steps for the day before the day really began. So, when someone wants to body shame me for my weight, I will just look at them and tell them that I'm pushing 70 and I do a 3K a day. They can take their BMI and bug off. 

The day has been uneventful. Mostly I have read and cleaned. I have made the base for tea and I'm really pleased with the way it has come out.

 

Panic

The forecast calls for a heat dome over much of the US as we go into the celebration of our 250th anniversary as a country. It is a very sad thing that it isn't the thing ruining the holiday for most of us here. But I don't want to talk about Drumpf. It throws me into and dark damp dungeon of a mood. 

After surviving the heat dome over Seattle in 2021, the news of heat domes always strikes panic in my heart. The one that is developing seems like it might rival the Seattle one. But I won't be sitting under the center of the dome, and I live in an apartment that has air conditioning now. I know logically that my panic is unfounded. And yet, it is very real to me. The memory of it sends waves of dread over me. We had no air conditioning, nobody did. Even some of the grocery stores in the area didn't have it. And because of Covid regulations, they were pretty much the only public places that were open. Governor Inslee didn't open any cooling stations. We were left to our own devices. It took weeks to get over the heat sickness caused by that event.

Surviving a crisis prepares you for the next one. That is true with me. I was better prepared to deal with the heat of the Seattle event because I had lived through summers in southwestern Oklahoma. I knew to block the sun from coming in east and west facing windows. I knew to put cooling rags on the back of my neck and run cold water over my wrists when I felt overheated. I knew to fill the bathtub and sinks with cold ice water because a shaded area by a lake will always be cooler than a sunny field. With this heat dome I will be more prepared mostly because I live in an apartment that has air conditioning. All of the businesses around are open and have air conditioning and if the power fails, the senior center across the street is a cooling station. They will have generators keeping the power on there. But the panic of muscle memory still persists.

Speaking of muscle memory panic... I learned on Facebook that another of the ladies from the breast cancer support chat group has died. I did not know her well. In fact, I had to ask who she was even after her chat group name was given. But it is always a kick in the pants to hear that another one of the ladies has died. Many of them, even the ones who were initially diagnosed with only stage one cancer went on to develop metastasis and die of breast cancer. But mostly now the women are dying in old age of heart disease and dementia. Breast cancer is not generally a young woman's disease. Most of the women in the chat group were in their late 60's and early 70's back in the day. At 46, I was a one of the youngest women in the group. Now most of those women are pushing 90 if they haven't already crossed over the line. This particular woman died of ALS. Still, there is always that moment of silent panic when I hear of another of the women dying. There are moments of panic when I realize that I've had headaches for several days in a row or develop a dry cough or and new ache or pain. I thought that it would fade away by now. I guess it never will. And I guess that while we may have proved that we are stronger than cancer, we will eventually succumb to something because we are after all only human.

Summer

I went for a walk today, probably for the last time this season. Tomorrow the temperature will rise into the 90's and probably stay there or close to it until October. I had expected this to happen a lot earlier, but I keep getting surprised by days in the low 80's. While today fit that description, with 56% humidity, you couldn't really call it cool. And even so, I was grateful for one more day to enjoy the activity. I will miss it. 

I went to town to purchase another of the medallions that I bought for Mollie for her birthday. I wrapped it in the same tissue paper that I had lined the gift bag in and she didn't see it. She threw it away. It was my fault. I should have tied a ribbon around it or done something else to make it more noticeable. I was glad that the bookstore had another one. I will give her the new one when I see her next month for the wedding. 

Afterward I went to the food court run by the university hospitality and food services college for a bite to eat. The overpriced sandwich that I chose was really good, but I doubt I will make it a regular haunt. There is just nothing like being overcharged for something to take the glamor out of it. I am slowly getting a feel of where to go out to eat. And while I complain about the cost, everything here is still so much less than what I was paying in Washington. But in Washington, I had all but given up on going out to eat. Here, I want to know what the good places are before someone comes to town and I have to experiment while I'm entertaining guests.

I should have done a few other errands while I was out and about, but I was tired and it was only getting warmer as the afternoon wore on. I arrived home exhausted and sweaty enough to smell like a goat. I have learned to make some very decent peach lemonade tea and adding a pinch of salt to it makes a homemade Gatorade type drink. It was very refreshing when I came in out of the heat. After drinking a glass of it I took a cool shower. That went a long way to help me feel human again.

For the rest of the summer, if I want to go into town, I will need to book an appointment with the public transportation service or pay for Uber. I never did get over to the rec center or the senior center across the street to find out about the availability of exercise classes or gym memberships. Though I did confirm with my insurance that they are listed as in network sources. If I could figure out how to become a morning person, I could walk in the early mornings before it gets hot. I would enjoy that much more than pounding a treadmill in a gym. But being a morning person eludes me.

I spent the evening finishing The Lord of the Rings. I'm glad I finished it, but I fail to understand why it is such a cult classic. It was a good story, even if it was long winded. Though to me, it just didn't ring all the bells. And I thought the last two or three chapters could have been left off altogether. I am glad to have nothing more that I need to know about hobbits or orcs or goblins. Now I will have 4 days to read West with Giraffes for the book club on Tuesday. It is a short book and I'm sure that I can get it finished by then. The book club description says that we will have a thoughtful discussion of the story. I am fascinated to see what a thoughtful discussion will be. 

The wedding is a little more than three weeks away. All the drama is slowly building. I am working to keep myself out of the middle of it and it is difficult. I booked a hotel to stay in months ago. Mollie and Chris booked a room in the same hotel. Now we are told that it is an older hotel and maybe we should get a room in a newer hotel in a town that is farther away. I talked to Mollie, who is excited that there is a Waffle House across the street, and she agrees with me that we are staying a couple of nights, not moving in. Older will be fine as long as it is clean.  Denise wants everyone to get manicures together before the wedding. That is stretching our luck. Maybe we shouldn't do that. It might make us all miss the wedding. But you know, let's get together another time and enjoy something like that (btw, I hate manicures.) Karen wants everyone to meet up after the festivities are over to keep the party going. I really think that two days is enough of a party, but sure, let's all go over to Karen's house for cookies and coffee. I'll even bake a batch or two. The flowers that Karen planted for the wedding aren't doing so well with all the rain lately. Not my monkey; but have you tried Sam's Club or Costco. I hear they have a great flower selection. For that kind of thing I am putting my fingers in my ears and singing la-la-la. The biggest drama is that Tim and Emily still haven't found a place to live after the nuptials. Not my monkey, la-la-la. I'm sure that it will all get worse before the wedding actually takes place. That seems to be the way of weddings. I tell myself that this will be the last wedding for a while. And from what Jack tells me, that is likely to be a long while off. He just turned 18, I hope he keeps to that promise. And then there is Matt. But Matt abhors weddings almost as much as I do. If he ever gets married again, I'm likely to find out about it after the fact. And that will be enough of a wedding for me. 

It's summer. And after summer comes fall. I really like fall.
 

Dream Lessons

I had a dream last night that I was driving my father's pick-up truck trying to get somewhere important. But as I was driving people, adults and their children were lounging in the middle of the road as if they were on a beach. Not wanting to hit anyone and especially concerned for the children, I stopped and waited for a bit. When they didn't show any sign of moving, I rolled down the window and asked them to please move. Then a woman in a sun hat and glasses just looked me in the eye and said, "No, I don't think we will."  And then my anger welled up and I said, "Okay then" as I started driving through them, causing them to have to dash out of the way. When I got a little farther away, I found that the road turned into a room with no outlet. So, I went into the room and when I came back out, someone had towed my truck away and left no notice about where it was. I was upset and wanted to call the police because they had stolen my truck. But I was afraid too because of my behavior of having driven through the crowd. 

When I woke up, I thought about the dream and realized that it was about how my anger keeps me from asking the right questions or listening to what other people have to say. If I'd asked the woman why they wouldn't move out of the road, she might have told me that it wasn't a road. And if I had listened to her and not reacted badly, my truck wouldn't have gotten towed.  My subconscious was telling me to listen to people instead of acting rashly. Not that I've ever driven through a crowd on a street. But I have done a lot of stupid things. 

But I was so glad when I woke up and realized that it was only a dream and I wasn't going to have to explain to my father why his truck was towed and no one would tell me where.

For the Lovely Mrs. Moon

Mrs. Moon wrote on her blog last night that she would never put chocolate chips in pancakes. What? So I answered her back and described my favorite waffles. And I went to bed with visions of sugarplums dancing in my head. When I got up this morning nothing would do but to have chocolate chip pecan waffles with all the fixins'. However, I am fresh out of fudge track ice cream. But the waffles were good regardless, with both caramel and chocolate syrup and extra pecans. I'm an unsupervised child at heart. Mrs. Moon thinks this meal will cause death. If cancer didn't do it, I don't think a little sugar stands a chance. 

My diet isn't all bad, really. When I went to Publix after noonday Eucharist on Wednesday, they had corn on the cob. I told myself that I'd have some on Friday with some potato salad and coleslaw. I did that this evening. I don't know why I decided on Friday, but it worked out. The coleslaw as perfect. I used broccoli slaw and I got the dressing just right; creamy with just a hint of sweetness and tanginess, The potato salad had a bit too much mustard in it, but it was fine. I did not know how much I was missing corn on the cob until I bit into it. It was fantastic. I had a slice of ham to round out the meal and washed it down with peach lemonade. 

I'm celebrating, after all. It's almost my daughter's birthday. 34 years ago, I went into labor with her. It was a Friday night then too. I know because my OB is Hassidic and didn't come to the hospital until the next evening. She waited for him. She was born on Sunday morning, bright and early. She used to complain that her birthday was on a "lame holiday" like Flag Day. Now she complains that her birthday is besmudged by sharing it with the orange buffoon. But you know what? She redeemed the day. It was one of the best days of my life. I was the only mom there that day. She was the only baby. She lay on my chest and we bonded. 

When De was here, she asked me if I ever wonder how anyone so beautiful was born from me, and I answered, all the time. She is still on of the most beautiful people I have ever seen.

I'm Nothing if Not Inconsistent

I fed the sourdough starter this evening and placed it in the refrigerator. I have been feeding it for a week or more knowing that this is what I needed to do. But it is the only pet I have here. I call him Giles. The truth is that I've been feeding him for a month and only using the discard for waffles or pancakes. Bread takes an hour to bake in the oven, and I am loathe to heat the apartment up for a loaf of bread. I have been eating quick breads and store bought hamburger buns instead. So tonight I finally made the decision and pulled the plug. I can always get him out and feed him if I lose my mind and decide to heat the house while I run the AC. 

So after tucking him into the refrigerator for a long summer's sleep, I put the kettle on and boiled some water for a nice hot cup of tea. I do of course, have sweet tea, lemonade and soda in the refrigerator. But lets boil that water while I cool everything down running the air.
 

It Takes Me A Minute

My apologies. I have been trying to comment on your blogs, but I have had a devil of a time getting Blogger to allow me to comment with my name. It all started when I added a VPN. Blogger didn't care for it. And it took me months to find my way around it. Then Blogger decided that I needed to use another Google account that I have. It wanted to sign my comments as Hope. I think I have all the kinks worked out now. I can only hope. I feel like there has to be an instruction manual somewhere, but I can't find that either. 

So, my sincere apologies. I will try again.

If a Tree Falls in the Woods

You know that question about if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? That is kind of what it is like to grow old and alone. I'm asked what do I do with my days. The answer is whatever I want to do. It doesn't matter. No one is around to care.

I woke up this morning to a message from Venmo telling me that my son had sent some money. It was very nice of him. But I don't really need money so much anymore. I'm doing okay here. What I need is a phone call, or a visit every now and then. 

I got up and did my morning routine, but even that doesn't really matter. If I don't shower, there is no one to notice that I stink. If I don't drink my water, there is no one who will know but me. If I don't make my bed or hang up my clothes, there is no one to object because the house is messy. If I don't do my quiet time, God won't be mad. I do it because I'm awake, I'm still here, I still matter. 

I looked at my watch, and I had time to get dressed and make it to noonday Eucharist at St. Dunstan's, so I went. They aren't celebrating Eucharist at the moment; it was just a prayer service. It was rather nice really. They don't make everyone break into groups and pray out loud like the services I try to avoid. This was corporate prayer led by a lay person. She was nice. She made a point of introducing herself to me after the service and invited me to lunch. I said no, though I don't really know why. Instead, I went to Publix and bought the sliced cheese that I left off my grocery delivery yesterday. They had some corn on the cob, and I bought two ears. I will have them for dinner on Friday with some potato salad and cole slaw. Why Friday? I don't know, but it's a plan of some sort.

I should have done my laundry this afternoon. The basket is overflowing. But there is no one around to notice but me. And I have clean clothes to wear, a clean towel to shower with. I could even change the bedding on both beds if I so desired. 

So, if I fell in the woods, would I make a sound?

 

What a Difference a Breeze Makes

 After having gone to bed early last night, I was up early this morning. It worked out well for my walk. The temperature is only in the upper 70's when I headed out for my walk, but it felt much hotter than that. The humidity is 65% and there is no breeze at all. I worked up a proper sweat while I was out. 

This is as good as it's going to get here for a while. It will only get hotter and more humid as the summer stretches on. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for exercise. I had hoped to get in an early morning swim, but it doesn't appear that the pool is going to be opened this summer. Maybe I will need to look into one of those chair Tai Chi exercise courses that I keep seeing advertised. I could go over to the rec center and see what they have to offer. I'm going to have to make other plans if I don't want to have to wake up at that crack of dawn every morning to get a walk in. 

Other than being surprisingly hot, my walk this morning was nice. I try to vary my paths each time I walk so I don't get bored. The path I took this morning took me past the park where I found the mimosa tree blooming. Then when I was almost home, I spied some honeysuckle that was able to bloom before the landscapers found it to cut down. 

The other thing I spied while I was out walking this morning might just be the most valuable thing I have found in a while. There is a public transportation system in this county that is not advertised. I looked it up and found out that it is free with my Medicare card. The hours are very limited, but limited is better than no transportation at all. I will be taking advantage of that. 

When I got home I drank the last of my lemonade and decided to make it with peach tea this time around. OH MY! It is delicious. I added more peach tea bags to my grocery order. 

Overall, the morning has been quite successful. I think I will work on some hats this afternoon. I might try to sell them at the Jingle Market they have downtown before Christmas. The weather here stays too warm to wear hats, but that doesn't stop people from doing it anyway. And my hats are good. 

Morning Struggles

Getting old is definitely not for whimps. The only real benefit I can sis is that if someone is being obnoxiously loud, I can take out my hearing aids and turn them down. 

I sent Mollie's birthday gift out today. I could not find the card that I had planned to send with it. I looked everywhere I could think of and couldn't find it. So, I bought another card, one that I was not so happy with. I wrote out the message in the card and went to tuck it into the gift. Guess what I found! I found the card that I had originally planned to send, already filled out and tucked into the gift. 

I planned to have breakfast at the bookstore after I mailed the gift. I went to get the moleskin journal to take with me. But I could not find it. I looked everywhere it would make sense that I would put it. I didn't find it. So, I grabbed an old journal and put it in my backpack. Then I went to get my wallet out of the purse that I took to the arts festival on Friday. I found the moleskin journal, but I didn't find my wallet. It was in my bedside table. I have no idea why I put it there. I just don't know. 

And to make everything worse, I have two toiletry kits.  I had some toothpaste delivered, and what they brought would fit well in the kits. But I can't find either one of them. I will probably have to buy a third before either of the other two show up. 

My forgetfulness is getting so bad that I think I need to have a regular place for everything and a list that reminds me where that regular place is. 

After all that searching around this morning, I did manage to make my way to the post office and get the package mailed. And then I was off to the bookstore. I had in mind a quiet afternoon on the back porch. There is usually no one out there. Today was an exception for some reason. And for some reason they were all using their outdoor voices. That would have been okay if they were all children, but they weren't. They were the university students who have not found their way home yet. I took out my hearing aids so I could ignore them, and they only got louder. 

It was looking like it might start raining again after I finished my breakfast, so I rather dejectedly walked home. If I want a quiet morning on the porch sipping tea and munching on a biscuit, I'm going to have to find a different porch. Unfortunately, my porch won't do as I share it with my neighbors, and they aren't so interested in sharing it. There is another coffee shop/bookstore a few blocks farther on a different street. But I doubt that it will be any quieter than the one close by. It is much closer to the university and the same students.  

There are a multitude of birds that live int he bamboo thicket that lines my path home. They were all out and singing for me while I was walking there. I try to get pictures of them, but they are too quick for that. There is a pair of cardinals that greet me regularly. The male is almost stunning in his brightness. Today, he hopped along the fence post and darted away every time I raised my phone to get a picture, almost as if he were taunting me. But it cheered me up a bit to see them and hear their morning songs. 

When I got home, I paid my bills for the month. Well, the ones other than the rent and electric which is paid before the first of the month. Hopefully, I will have a few years before I start forgetting those too.