If a Tree Falls in the Woods

You know that question about if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? That is kind of what it is like to grow old and alone. I'm asked what do I do with my days. The answer is whatever I want to do. It doesn't matter. No one is around to care.

I woke up this morning to a message from Venmo telling me that my son had sent some money. It was very nice of him. But I don't really need money so much anymore. I'm doing okay here. What I need is a phone call, or a visit every now and then. 

I got up and did my morning routine, but even that doesn't really matter. If I don't shower, there is no one to notice that I stink. If I don't drink my water, there is no one who will know but me. If I don't make my bed or hang up my clothes, there is no one to object because the house is messy. If I don't do my quiet time, God won't be mad. I do it because I'm awake, I'm still here, I still matter. 

I looked at my watch, and I had time to get dressed and make it to noonday Eucharist at St. Dunstan's, so I went. They aren't celebrating Eucharist at the moment; it was just a prayer service. It was rather nice really. They don't make everyone break into groups and pray out loud like the services I try to avoid. This was corporate prayer led by a lay person. She was nice. She made a point of introducing herself to me after the service and invited me to lunch. I said no, though I don't really know why. Instead, I went to Publix and bought the sliced cheese that I left off my grocery delivery yesterday. They had some corn on the cob, and I bought two ears. I will have them for dinner on Friday with some potato salad and cole slaw. Why Friday? I don't know, but it's a plan of some sort.

I should have done my laundry this afternoon. The basket is overflowing. But there is no one around to notice but me. And I have clean clothes to wear, a clean towel to shower with. I could even change the bedding on both beds if I so desired. 

So, if I fell in the woods, would I make a sound?

 

What a Difference a Breeze Makes

 After having gone to bed early last night, I was up early this morning. It worked out well for my walk. The temperature is only in the upper 70's when I headed out for my walk, but it felt much hotter than that. The humidity is 65% and there is no breeze at all. I worked up a proper sweat while I was out. 

This is as good as it's going to get here for a while. It will only get hotter and more humid as the summer stretches on. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for exercise. I had hoped to get in an early morning swim, but it doesn't appear that the pool is going to be opened this summer. Maybe I will need to look into one of those chair Tai Chi exercise courses that I keep seeing advertised. I could go over to the rec center and see what they have to offer. I'm going to have to make other plans if I don't want to have to wake up at that crack of dawn every morning to get a walk in. 

Other than being surprisingly hot, my walk this morning was nice. I try to vary my paths each time I walk so I don't get bored. The path I took this morning took me past the park where I found the mimosa tree blooming. Then when I was almost home, I spied some honeysuckle that was able to bloom before the landscapers found it to cut down. 

The other thing I spied while I was out walking this morning might just be the most valuable thing I have found in a while. There is a public transportation system in this county that is not advertised. I looked it up and found out that it is free with my Medicare card. The hours are very limited, but limited is better than no transportation at all. I will be taking advantage of that. 

When I got home I drank the last of my lemonade and decided to make it with peach tea this time around. OH MY! It is delicious. I added more peach tea bags to my grocery order. 

Overall, the morning has been quite successful. I think I will work on some hats this afternoon. I might try to sell them at the Jingle Market they have downtown before Christmas. The weather here stays too warm to wear hats, but that doesn't stop people from doing it anyway. And my hats are good. 

Morning Struggles

Getting old is definitely not for whimps. The only real benefit I can sis is that if someone is being obnoxiously loud, I can take out my hearing aids and turn them down. 

I sent Mollie's birthday gift out today. I could not find the card that I had planned to send with it. I looked everywhere I could think of and couldn't find it. So, I bought another card, one that I was not so happy with. I wrote out the message in the card and went to tuck it into the gift. Guess what I found! I found the card that I had originally planned to send, already filled out and tucked into the gift. 

I planned to have breakfast at the bookstore after I mailed the gift. I went to get the moleskin journal to take with me. But I could not find it. I looked everywhere it would make sense that I would put it. I didn't find it. So, I grabbed an old journal and put it in my backpack. Then I went to get my wallet out of the purse that I took to the arts festival on Friday. I found the moleskin journal, but I didn't find my wallet. It was in my bedside table. I have no idea why I put it there. I just don't know. 

And to make everything worse, I have two toiletry kits.  I had some toothpaste delivered, and what they brought would fit well in the kits. But I can't find either one of them. I will probably have to buy a third before either of the other two show up. 

My forgetfulness is getting so bad that I think I need to have a regular place for everything and a list that reminds me where that regular place is. 

After all that searching around this morning, I did manage to make my way to the post office and get the package mailed. And then I was off to the bookstore. I had in mind a quiet afternoon on the back porch. There is usually no one out there. Today was an exception for some reason. And for some reason they were all using their outdoor voices. That would have been okay if they were all children, but they weren't. They were the university students who have not found their way home yet. I took out my hearing aids so I could ignore them, and they only got louder. 

It was looking like it might start raining again after I finished my breakfast, so I rather dejectedly walked home. If I want a quiet morning on the porch sipping tea and munching on a biscuit, I'm going to have to find a different porch. Unfortunately, my porch won't do as I share it with my neighbors, and they aren't so interested in sharing it. There is another coffee shop/bookstore a few blocks farther on a different street. But I doubt that it will be any quieter than the one close by. It is much closer to the university and the same students.  

There are a multitude of birds that live int he bamboo thicket that lines my path home. They were all out and singing for me while I was walking there. I try to get pictures of them, but they are too quick for that. There is a pair of cardinals that greet me regularly. The male is almost stunning in his brightness. Today, he hopped along the fence post and darted away every time I raised my phone to get a picture, almost as if he were taunting me. But it cheered me up a bit to see them and hear their morning songs. 

When I got home, I paid my bills for the month. Well, the ones other than the rent and electric which is paid before the first of the month. Hopefully, I will have a few years before I start forgetting those too. 

Today

There isn't much to say about today. My big accomplishment was to make waffles for breakfast and take out the trash. That isn't entirely true. I did manage to change out the curtains in the living room. I put the black-out, temperature blocking curtains up for the summer. The heat pours in that window in the afternoon when the sun is on it. I will miss the sun in the morning, But if I'm going to splurge on $20 tea mugs, I will need to cut back somewhere. 

In Washington, we used to point to the houses that always had their blinds closed and their curtains drawn and declare that they were hoarder houses. Here, everyone keeps their blinds closed. It could be that they are all hoarders, but I doubt it. It is more likely that the sidewalk for the apartments passes beside the windows. It is a little close for comfort even if you aren't a particularly private person.

Like Seattle, it has started raining again and will be for the foreseeable future. I thought that El Nino years were supposed to be dryer than normal. Glad that I bought that umbrella.
 

The Birds and the Bees and the Flowers and the Trees

I made myself sick last night going to the arts festival. I was already tired by the time I walked into town. The festival was well attended and the streets were crowded. I was surprised that there were that many people still around. Usually in college towns, especially SEC towns, the town empties out during semester breaks. But somehow there were still enough people around to fill the streets and restaurants and bars. 

The music was good. College towns always have good local bands with their own material. I didn't see any Elvis or Temptations impersonators, like you get in most small towns. It was college kids who write their own songs. 

The vendor selection was exceptional. I walked through a few times before deciding what I would spend my money on. I bought some locally sourced honey, which was a given for me, and some smoked pepper jack cheese. But my choice of art came down to a photograph of the town my parents grew up in, taken the year my dad was a senior in high school, or a hand thrown tea mug. The bluebird on the mug just makes me happy. The picture guy will probably be back for other festivals. When I got the mug home I was shocked at myself. I just spent $20 on one tea mug, do I think I'm rich? But I have a tea mug that makes me happy just to look at it. And the couple who sold it to me were so nice. They seemed genuinely glad to sell it to someone who really liked it.

I met a couple of ladies from the beautification society. They were really nice too. They gave me a pack of wildflower seeds and a brochure about their club. They provide and take care of the hanging baskets of flowers that adorn the streets downtown. They want to expand their territory to the whole town. They meet once a month at the arts center across the street from my apartments, so I have decided to join them. Hopefully a few friendships will come out of it and I will get to help with something that I am interested in. 

I grew exhausted before I even left the festival and had to stop a few times on the less than a mile walk home. By the time I got to my apartment I was sick and in pain. I sat on my couch for a long time afterward. I needed to eat dinner. I had planned to eat while I was in town, but I knew that I was getting to the end of my spoons. After a while I gathered enough energy to get a hot shower and a bowl of soup. That made me feel better, but I still was in bed before 10:00 pm, as if I was an old woman...shoe fits, right?

I felt better this morning, but decided to give myself a day of rest. I have done little besides read and eat and nap today. And the tea mug still makes me happy just to look at it.

Artsy Fartsy

 I woke up this morning to a beautiful spring like day. It has been raining for almost two weeks straight. It was so good to see the sun and have temperatures in low 80's and a nice cool breeze to match it. I was so happy to get out in it.

There is a new watercolor exhibit at the Arts Center. The center is small, so I knew that I would be there for less than an hour. It was a nice exhibit even if on the small side. I found out that they will be having pottery classes all summer long. I'm going to see if I can work it in my budget to attend a few of them. The supplies are quite expensive. But I would really like to give it a try. I also found out they will be having a performance of "The Spitfire Grille" on my birthday. I will definitely be attending that.

 It was lunch time when I left the center, and I had been trying to catch a highly recommended neighborhood eatery open. Their hours of operation are really limited, 10:00 am until 2:00 pm. There is sidewalk construction going on in front of the establishment, so as I approached, I wasn't sure that they'd be open. They were, but once inside I was confused as to why they are so highly recommended. The place has the look and feel of a neighborhood dive bar, where you meet up with your pusher type of atmosphere. Why on earth a place that is only open for lunch needs a bar is a bit more than I want to know about. I got the chicken queso fries and a diet coke to go. I ate them at home. The food makes up for the atmosphere, but I think from now on if I feel the need to eat out for lunch, I will order on the app and have it delivered to my home. Seriously do not want to be seen hanging out there. 

I had the afternoon stretching before me, and little to do with it. I decided to give the apartment a good clean. And while I was doing that I once again realized that I have been unhappy with my bathroom cleaner. I suppose that it is clean. But it just doesn't give the bathroom that sparkle or the freshly cleaned smell I really want. I walked to Publix to get some scrubbing bubbles. I don't know what it is with that stuff, but nothing else give the bathroom that just cleaned feeling like it does. The second trip out and about pushed my step count over 10,000 for the day. I'm rather proud of myself for that, if not a little tired.

When I got home, I finished off the last of the lemonade that I had made the day before and decided that I really like it. I made another batch and drank a glass or two of it. I should have made dinner but decided to make cookies instead. You could say that I made cookies for dinner. I am living my inner child after all. What child doesn't want chocolate chip cookies and lemonade for dinner? 

Tomorrow is forecast to be another beautiful day. I may go hang out on the bookstore porch for a while. I want to save my energy to be able to head downtown in the evening for the summer arts festival. St. Dunstan is going to have local student musicians performing in the garden, That sounds pretty interesting to me. But I haven't heard their music yet, so we will have to see.

New Church

I'm glad that I walked into town yesterday to buy an umbrella. What a gift. This morning it gave me the courage to walk back into town to go to church even though it looked like it might rain again. The weather was warm and muggy. It probably will be well into October, and I suspect that it will get a lot worse as the summer progresses. 

What a difference the church today was. So many people introduced themselves to me. I have never attended an Episcopal church before. I am unaccustomed to the run of service, and they were so kind to help me know what to do.  I was invited to come back on Tuesday to just sit and enjoy their garden and just socialize. 

I went across the street from the church to have brunch after the service. It was a very nice way to end a great morning. I had huevos rancheros, and while they really weren't the best I've ever had, they were good. The service was excellent and the price was reasonable. It is so good to be able to go out to eat and not feel like I'm being fleeced. 

It rained on my way home, and I was so glad to have the umbrella. I took a long nap that was very refreshing. I took another walk after I woke up, mainly because I was bored. I took a picture of several of the houses that I pass while walking the town. This one always catches my eye. Maybe because it has a beautifully smelling jasmine bush in the front yard. 

So Much for a Sabbath Rest

I told myself that I didn't have to get out and walk today. I said that it is Saturday, so a good day to rest. But when I woke up I felt rested and refreshed. And I could actually see the sky. I knew that there was a Publix market in the middle of downtown. I have been wanting to find it. I wanted to know if it is actually a grocery store, and not just a abbreviated version of a store like Target is. I decided to walk downtown to find it. I told myself that if I found it I'd buy myself an umbrella that fits inside my small backpack. 

I walked downtown. The air was warm and muggy. I didn't see Publix where I  thought that it would be. I pulled out my phone and I was standing where the map app said it should be. I walked up another street and found the Episcopal Church that I'd seen before. There was a woman weeding the flower beds. She stopped to talk to me a bit. She was really nice, and invited me to the service tomorrow morning at 10:00. I will go. She pointed me to Publix, which was actually where the map app said it would be, but the sight of it was blocked by another building. 

It is a full size store. If you are used to the prices of the PNW, it is reasonably priced. For local standards, the buy one, get one deals make it more affordable. It is about as affordable as getting Walmart, Kroger or Aldi deliver my groceries. It will be a good choice when I only need a few things. I might get myself one of the foldable wagons, like they use to pull children around street festivals. 

I bought a few boxes of tea, some chocolate chips and Heath chips and an umbrella. I thought I was so clever. I thought that since I'd bought an umbrella it wouldn't rain on me for the rest of the summer. Man plans and God laughs. I hadn't gotten all the way across the street when the sky opened up and poured. My umbrella was great for keeping my head and torso from getting wet. But the rain blew in and soaked my shoes. 

 

Alone Again

I have a walking stick that I have a love/hate relationship with. I bought it on Amazon shortly after I moved to Washington. I was still experiencing a lot of arthritis and weakness in my left hip and a cane had me bent over too much. A walking stick is much better for posture. But the stick is bamboo, and shiny and obviously not hand-made. In my mind, a walking stick is something that is supposed to be personal. In my perfect made-up world, where my imagination lives, I would find a suitable stick lying in a forest and hand smooth and decorate it myself. Well, the sticks that fall in the forest belong to someone else, and I never go walking in forests anymore. 

While De was here, we came across two large piles of wood on the streets we were walking on. The recent storms have been hard on the trees. We looked through them to see if we could find a branch that would provide a reasonably long solid shaft to make a hand-made stick from. But the trees fell with the storms because they were unhealthy to begin with. And the couple of likely candidates were already rotting. De suggested that I might be able to find a natural shaft online and she was right. I don't know why I never thought of that. Of course someone will be selling something like that.

I was able to find a seller of shafts on Ebay. I want to say that it is more expensive that it should be. But after seeing the difficulty of finding acceptable limbs to make one out of, I do kind of understand the expense. I chose a hazel wood shaft. I don't know why that one spoke to me. I really wanted ash or birch, but the seller didn't have any, and hazel seemed appropriate for some reason.. I have also purchased a set of wood carving tools to make the stick something that is more personal to me. I have never done wood carving, and I have no idea of what I'm doing. I will have to watch YouTube videos to get a clue. But I am excited about the new project. I will move the "store-bought" stick to a less prominent location in the apartment. The love part of the relationship has me not wanting to get rid of it completely.

De left yesterday, and I feel adrift again. The aloneness seemed to close in on me last night and I ended up going to bed at 8:30 instead of dealing with my feelings about it. That decision, of course had me waking up at 0 dark-thirty this morning. Now, once again I don't know what to do with myself. I am not hungry enough to eat and it is too dark out to take a walk. I could clean, but it is pointless. The apartment is already clean. 

I will go to North Georgia to visit with De later in the summer. I'd really like to be there in the fall, because the town she lives in has very cool festivals in the fall. I'm sure that everyone wants to visit her then, but summer works.

 

Exhaustion

Today was hard emotionally, and I'm not sure what sparked it. I had plans to visit another church this morning, but when I stepped outside my door the weather didn't look encouraging. It looked as if at any moment a storm could come and drench everything, including me if I dared to be out in it. My neighbor, Shequan was out on the shared porch. She agreed with me and encouraged me to to watch a church that she liked on YouTube. 

I went in and tried to watch the service that she suggested, but it isn't the same as being there. And the church that she likes is a bit farther than I think I'd like to walk on a Sunday morning to attend services, even though it did seem like a church I might fit in at. I decided to see if my home church in Georgia was placing their services online, and they are. But I started weeping and couldn't stop for quite some time. It felt like a dyke had broken and every sorrow that I had suppressed for the past eight years came pouring out. 

Even after the emotional outburst stopped, tears would spring unbidden from my eyes for a few hours. I tried to distract myself, first by making some bread dough to bake when my friend comes on Tuesday, and then by doing some of the more deep cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom. 

Shortly after noon, the weather cleared a bit. I was feeling hemmed in and felt like I needed to walk off the lingering sadness. Walking to the intersection that turns out of my apartment complex, I saw this bike leaning against the stop sign. Something about it angered me. I was sure that someone had stolen it and abandoned it there. I took this picture to send to the police when I got home. Then I walked off in a huff. I had planned to walk up to a fast food restaurant that my son told me had pretty good fried chicken. He was wrong about that.

I got lost looking for the restaurant and ended up down town, near the church that I had planned to attend. I thought that I had found another book store, but realized that it is one that I'd already been in. I thought about stopping in one of the many pizza and beer joints that are down town, but they were crowded with people. And I didn't know which I could order a single slice of pizza at. I didn't want to have to order an entire pizza. I decided to walk home, feeling defeated

On the way back home, I found the restaurant that I'd planned to eat at. There was a woman coming out when I reached the door. She asked me if I had a few dollars that I could spare her. She said that she needed to get a cab somewhere. I'd had four one dollar bills in my wallet for most of the year, so I gave them to her. She seemed very pleased with it, and gave me an orange baseball hat that says "Happy Dad" on it. She said I could give it to my husband. I took it without explaining there is no husband to give it too. 

The restaurant was empty when I went in. But a few other people showed up after I'd been there a while. The girl at the register was nice. The food was only okay even for fast food expectations. The walk home was uneventful, except the bike was gone when I got back to the intersection. I was glad that I didn't need to find the public service page to report it.

At home again, I sat on my couch and enjoyed how comfortable it is. And I realized that I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I decided to take a nap and ended up sleeping deeply for three and a half hours. After I got up, I finished off the last of the waffles and boiled eggs that I had in the refrigerator and I thought that I should have eaten them for lunch rather than the fast food. 

I have supplies to make salmon and chicken linguini, and lasagna and caprice salad while De is here. I will have fresh bread and home made cookies and ice cream for her. I will feed her well. Hopefully she will want to come back. 

But now, even after a long nap in the afternoon, I am still exhausted. And I don't really understand what sparked it.