Raw

 

I feel like something inside has been scraped raw. It's the feeling like after 9/11 when the constant strand of news flow reveals one more horrifying fact after another. I don't care that it's only speculation. It is pretty clear that this coup had it's planning in the highest offices in this country. It was clear from Jim Jordan's arrogant chuckle after he said that Rump would remain the president that something sinister was up. It was clearer in the fall when Rump started replacing all the department heads in the military and intelligence agencies. Representatives of the House and Senate were in on it. The capitol police were in on it. The newly placed military people responsible for sending in the National Guard were in on it. 

Spoiled, privileged American that I am, I think wars shouldn't happen here. Wars happen in other countries but not here. Any logical reasoning quickly pulls that argument apart, but it is what my inner child still clings to. I don't want war here. Again, logic points out my deep seated privilege. Do I somehow imagine that people anywhere want war on their soil?

I talk of war like I know anything. These terrorist who are fighting this coup aren't paid mercenaries. Are they? These traitors are cops and firefighters; nurses? They are the mechanic that fixes your car, the CEO of a Multimedia company. They attempted a coup to overthrow the government, hang the Vice President and kill the Speaker of the House, and they thought that once it was over they should catch a plane home and go back to work the next day. God help us if they had succeeded. What did they plan to have happen if they had? Did  they think they'd call it done and go back home?

And the insurrectionist are still out there because this thing was planned in the highest offices. They were told to let them leave uninhibited. They have other plans. What if they don't plan to call it a day yet?

If you made it this far, this is mostly a speculative anxiety filled rant. I have made claims that I have no proof or personal knowledge of. It is just what I think from what I've seen in the news. It seems like every day in the last thirteen months have been a long stream of "This can't be true, this can't be happening." only it is true and it is happening. And it has gotten crazier with every passing day. 

And Then There Was Wednesday...

On Tuesday I stayed up as late as I could because I was invested in the outcome of the Georgia Senate runoff. What U.S. citizen wasn't? We would either continue to squeeze progress through the eye of a very narrow minded needle, or Georgians could flip the Senate and the USA could leave the Twilight Zone that is tRump's America. By the time I turned of the TV the Reverend Raphael Warnock had been declared the victor and it was all too apparent that Jon Ossoff would be following closely behind.

Wednesday I tried to sleep in. But something kept pulling at me to get up. I did. I was up two hours before my usual  time. I bathed, ate and washed a load of clothes before I turned on the television. The joint session of Congress had just started the certification of the Electoral College vote. I had seen tRump's call to arms and a few news stories about the rowdy crowds in D.C. I expected that an unruly crowd would show up. I expected that there was a show of force like there was during the summer on the Capitol steps to deter any ambition of a breech. I was wrong and I want to know why. I was wrong and I am offended that I have to ask why because I know the answer. I am once again embarrassed to have ever benefitted from the type of privilege that allowed thugs, vandals, insurrectionist to invade and vandalize our democracy the way tRumpubicans did on Wednesday. 

This was an attempted coup. This was insurrection. This fucking horse and pony show cost five people their lives. Cheeto Mussolini, his merry band of Proud Boys and the QAnon shaman had been planning it for weeks with his regular peanut gallery. tRump had even announced it on social media. There is no reason that the FBI or any other policing body in the D.C. area didn't know about it. EVERYBODY ELSE DID! The dirty truth is that they did know about it and there were enough tRump cultist to provide insider access.

They want us to feel sad that a young woman was shot and killed. She trespassed the security gates of the Capitol with a flag draped around her neck and attempted to invade a barricaded doorway through a window that had been vandalized and broken. She did this in an attempt to overthrow the peaceful transfer of power to a fairly elected administration. While inside the real perpetrators were trying to delay the same regular and peaceful transfer of power. She was an insurrectionist committing treason when she was shot and killed. Attempt to overthrow our government and we will not have pity on you.

This post calls it yesterday, but another full day has transpired since we have had this gut kick to our democracy. If  9/11 taught any lesson at all it should have been that to attack us would bring us into formation against you. Even if you are one of us. Too many people were all too happy to give the tRumpian transgressions a pass to send them into our past. That option is no longer open. We have to purge out and punish this transgression.

But wait, there's more! This hits on more levels than just insurrection and attempted coup. There is the whole social issue about the difference in the way BLM protesters were treated and the way the traitor who attacked the capitol were treated. We need a national "come to Jesus" moment and I don't even know what that would look like. Heads need to roll. We don't need any more soft answers anymore. Don't tell me the cop who shot a jay walker was put on administrative duty after I saw a cop escort the Grand Pooh Pah of QAnon around the halls of Congress in an attempted coup. We need to address this and in a big and substantial way.

I'm sorry. My angry, outraged rant.

Just Another Tuesday in the USA

This is not my painting. It is called "Walk on a Blustery Day" by Barry Hulme. But it has the feel of what is happening outside my window. Winters in western Washington seem to be one day like this after another until well into the spring. 

It was like this on New Year's Eve. But that didn't stop my neighbors from shooting off fireworks that were premium enough that I'm sure they must have gone to the reservation and spent their whole stimulus check on them, not that it would have been hard to spend that measly amount. Karen and I watched the light show at the Needle on TV. It was pretty spectacular and we didn't miss the fireworks at all. We were getting our own private showing. Right at mid-night, when the fireworks were all bursting into their crescendo the power for the whole town went down for about half a minute. It was probably a coincidence, but it was a weird way to start the year. What wasn't bad was receiving my stimulus check in my bank account a few minutes later. Yes, if that is what I brought into the New Year, receiving a little extra money was an acceptable way to begin 2021.

In other good news, I woke up on Christmas Eve with a head cold. It was welcome a little as it made my excuse to stay in my room and away from Nora and her father who had come for Christmas. Being away from my kids had me in a bit of a funk and I just wasn't feeling festive. On New Years Eve, I was still feeling under the weather, so on New Years day I went to the local testing center and was tested for Covid. I got my results back yesterday. I am negative for Covid, I have a head cold. Now I worry that I could have been exposed to it at the testing center. My mind can squirrel cage over anything.

I have the blinds open on the window near my desk. I have been watching the birds all day. There was a huge flock of Steller Jays when I first woke up, but they were chased away by the largest swarm of Robins I think I have ever seen. They covered our backyard, and our yard isn't small. They stayed there feasting on earthworms and bugs for a few hours. Then suddenly, they all swarmed and flew away. A few minutes later there was a mild shaking of the ground. It happens quite often here, but when I check to see if there was seismic activity in the area I almost never find this area mentioned.  

I am watching the Georgia run-offs today as I suppose most Americans are. Right now and throughout the day they have been showing Cherokee county. I recognize the polling place. It is at a church where I used to walk. They have a walking path that was nice. I wonder why they are using the church. Usually they vote in the elementary schools. Maybe the republicans who are in charge there have decided to keep the super spreader event away from the children. No, unfortunately Cherokee County schools are braving the pandemic in favor of children not falling behind. I have to wonder behind what are they falling.  

If today is a cliff hanger, tomorrow is promising to be the kind of shit show that only theRump, Inc. can deliver. The mayor of D.C. has called in the National Guard. I think it was a power-play to keep them out of the hands of tRumpublicans. 

Reflecting

 

I've been reflecting a lot today on the fatigue that everyone seems to feeling about Covid. It reminds me of my friend, Brenda. Right before her 16th birthday, where she'd be getting her driver's license and more independence, she came down with H1N1 influenza. The virus destroyed the beta cells in her pancreas and she was left a type 1 diabetic. It was truly tragic. At first she was offered hope that her pancreas might heal with time. But after almost a year later, when she was totally weary of the new normal of her life, she finally came to terms with the truth that this is just the way it's going to have to be. 

We are collectively all in the same place with covid. We are tired of wearing masks, We are especially  tired of social distancing and lockdowns! Like a diabetic teen who rebels, wishing to return to being able to eat without counting carbs or injecting medication we rebel against wearing masks and staying apart. We push and even ignore the safety precautions to pretend like life is once again normal. Many people just outright rebel and refuse to be responsible ever. 

Now we have a vaccine that promises to get us back to a more normal than we have seen in many months. We will be able to be together again, but having lost so very many loved ones and businesses, having lost careers and livelihoods it will not be the normal we long for. The same happened with Brenda; since she was diagnosed new technology and familiarity with necessary precautions have made her normal livable, but it isn't the normal she had before she got ill. Our normal will necessarily be different than it used to be. 

The good news is that help is on the way. The reality is we will never go back to the way we were pre-covid. Our normal will be different.

Happy Christmas week, if you celebrate. If you don't then Happy Dawning Eve. This is the last night of the Piscean Age. Tomorrow the Age of Aquarius will fully arrive. Happy winter solstice. Better, more light filled days are ahead.

Reemergence

 

I used to be an artist. I was actually pretty mediocre. Not nearly as good as I thought myself to be at the time. But I was young and could take classes of it in high school. It was really kind of a badge of geekness honor in the school where I went to be known as a frequent flyer on the fourth wing ancillary. I even taught a 101 level class in the college that I went to. I was still fairly mediocre. 

My soon to be son-in-law bought me a set of nice sketching pencils for my birthday. It had been decades since I actually just doodled. Interest in other hobbies, distain from my ex-husband and sheer exhaustion and depression are to blame for me giving up on the endeavor. His gift brought back the desire to pick it back up. Not only have I starting using the pencils, I bought myself a set of watercolor pens. 

Art is like writing. It gets better with practice. Atrophy happens with disuse. I am no longer mediocre, I have lapsed into purely pathetic. 

DIIIINNNGGG DOOONNNGGG!!!!!

 

My body woke me up at 6:30. I was despondent to see the counts still at 253/214. The days since the election seemed like going through birthing pains. But my depression didn't last long. Karen came into my bedroom to show me a text from Nora. Joe Biden had won Pennsylvania. For at least half of America a sense of hope has been restored. More than that, we have joy again! People are literally taking to the streets to dance and celebrate. 

Tomorrow we will have to face again the pain and devastation of the past 4 years. The next 10 weeks will be a battle as the other half vents their collective anger and despair. They aren't known for their civility. This is what I fear. But there is a light ahead. Better days are coming.

Vote

Our Voter Pamphlet arrived last week. We didn't get the ballots yet. They usually arrive a week or so after the pamphlet. I went online to check on them and found out that we shouldn't expect them until October 14. With so much voter suppression going on, I wonder about the advisability of sending them so late. The election is is three weeks. Of course it doesn't take much time to fill in a ballot and the closest drop box (besides the mailbox that we won't be using for this purpose) is less than a mile away. Once I get the ballot I can return it in the space of an hour. 

I am grateful for this. In Georgia most of my friends have already voted. But they have had to do it either with an absentee ballot or through early voting where they still stood in long lines for hours and not everyone demonstrated goodwill enough for others and refused not only to wear masks, but keep their distance. At least none of them reported redneck Nazi flag toting Rumpublicans and Proud Boys harassing them. 

I fear what is going to actually happen on November 3. Rumpublicans have already shown themselves to be a violent group, who while crying out for the same law and order that they ignore at their rallies. In a normal election I would read the resume, if not the curriculum vitae of the candidates and choosing the one who most aligns with my ideology. This year there is a much more important message that needs to be sent. theRump and his supporters need to hear the message strongly and clearly, "You are out of line and on the wrong side of history." I plan to vote a straight Democratic ticket and I hope and pray that the majority of Americans do the same. I am afraid that locking this maleficent genie back in a bottle is going to take more than the nation telling them they aren't welcome. I think that this fringe of society is going to cause problems for a long  time to come.

 

I Can't Believe I Forgot!

Do you ever walk into a room and can't remember why you are there? Or better yet, do you come home from the grocery store sans the one most important item you went there for? I do hope it isn't just me. I wrote the previous post with the intent of introducing our newest family member and completely forgot. 

While we were in Port Townsend Lady P's mother came by a couple of times a day to look in on the cats. Taylor has been a close family friend since she and Nora were in kindergarten. When they were eleven they picked up some kittens from a person at the grocery store. Nora's cat is named Simba and still lives with her. Taylor hasn't had  that stable of a residence. Her cat was originally thought to be a boy and named Oreo. That was until the already pregnant (somewhat questionable) Oreo gave birth to a litter of kittens. After that she has been called Mommas, and passed around between Taylor and her many relatives. Taylor asked my sister if she could come stay with us. We agreed with the caveat that she can come visit, but Mommas will stay with us. The cat is nearing thirteen years old and shouldn't be home insecure. 

Cheese has grown extremely feeble and spends most days curled up on a pillow. He ignores Mommas. Max and Ghost would be fine with her but she hisses and spits at them. Pippi is having none of it, and has attacked her a few times. But she gets as good as she gives with Mommas. Mommas is no push over. It has had the effect that Pippi is now more intent that she and I share my bedroom. I think she has chosen me as her person. I am very happy that Mommas has chosen Ken as hers.

So now this household consists of three humans, five cats and one dog. Hopefully Mommas will be the last creature that comes into our home. I worry about what will happen if we don't survive them.

First There Must Be a Catchy Title

Sorry once again for the long delay. There really is no excuse for it. I don't have any other pressing concerns that occupy so much of my day that I have no time to write. I do apologize for my neglect. Unfortunately, I don't have much of a plan to remediate the situation. It's not that I don't want to write. It's just that I really feel overwhelmed by the rapid fire crises that we have been embroiled in for the past four years. As we roll toward November the fever pitch of the insanity is magnifying by quantum leaps. The only ray of light is the increasing probability of a democratic tsunami on November 3rd.

It was the beginning of September when I last blogged. We had just spent an afternoon with the little girls. I have decided to quit calling them the three little kittens. With the volume of cats we have, the name seems a bit confusing. We met the little girls at a park. I was uncomfortable with the laxity of social distancing that was taking place. In general, all the groups were keeping their distance from each other, and most adults were wearing masks. But children are children, and it was a bit dicey. 

A few days later, my sister and I met a friend at the outdoor seating area of Zola's. And the next weekend we went to Everrett to meet up with Julie and Nikkle. Again, masks, distance and outdoors were employed to keep everyone safe. It still seemed a bit unsafe. And being out in a touristy area I was unsettled with the laxity that other people were exhibiting. 

A couple of weeks later it was my niece's birthday. Nora has been visiting, wearing a mask and limiting it to mostly outdoors for a few months. My sister wanted to have a small party for her. Again, it involved masks. But it also involved another child who at thirteen months old was unrestrained by any understanding of viral spread. I will be calling her Lady P.  By the time of this party the California, Oregon and Washington wildfires made the air quality in our area dangerous. We brought the party into our home. There were only four people (including Lady P) who were not part of our household and less than the ten people total. Even so, I spent the next day cleaning the common areas of the house. 

Shortly after, we went to the Port Townsend, Sequim area for a long weekend. It was much needed. The smoke from the fires was very unhealthy and we needed to get away. As it turns out, a thick fog moved in with enough on and off rain to damp down some of the fires and clear the air. That night the view was eerie, but the rain was welcome by everyone. Within a few hours of being there we were all feeling much better.

The next morning most of the smoke was gone and we had a day of just dreary weather. Even in fog and smog it is an incredible vacation spot. On the third day we woke up to a beautiful early autumn day. I have so many awesome pictures I want to use, but here is just a sprinkling...

Looking for Pizza in Port Townsend

Spooky church in Uptown

Best Crab Sandwich and Fish & Chips

Beautiful third day

We stayed in a cabin that was about ten miles away from either town. The cabin, while billed as a motel was actually a family farm. It didn't have WIFI which became a blessing. The greatest gift of the weekend was being unplugged for a few days.

It had the atmosphere of the Bates Motel if you were expecting a Holiday Inn. We weren't, but were still a bit uneasy. I'm glad we stayed. It was clean and comfortable and the owners were nice enough. Being away from everyone and everything was worth the lack of sophistication.

On arriving home, we made two decisions. The first is to push the genie back into the bottle and become more conscious to keep ourselves safe from the virus this fall and winter. The second seems contradictory to the first, but it isn't. We have decided to go on a similar trip just before the election. This time when we were looking for accommodations, we focused on places where people complained about the WIFI in the reviews. We found one that will have us sitting on a Pacific beach. The state will probably have to go backwards on lockdown and we don't expect the shops and bars to be open. We are just looking forward to a quiet beach in a cabin away from others and the vitriol of the election.

You know, I may just start calling the three kittens Ladies A, B and C.

How are you all doing?

In the Days of Corona

 

The summer is slowly strolling past us. In a normal year this would be a lament. In 2020 this is almost a plea. It would be a plea if it weren't for dread of what is next on the calendar. I love those FB memes that has someone questioning "Who had square dancing hurricanes for August?" Here in Washington, we have had plague and protest. Though, we have been spared the weather craziness the rest of the world seems to have been embroiled in. It begs us to question what is next on the agenda in the upcoming months. A volcanic eruption or a slide of the Andres Fault anyone? To speak of another meme, if 2020 were a birthday candle it would be a pile of burning cow manure.

And our government? What a shit-show! I am so sorry, but there simply is no polite way to express it. It's a daily sucker punch to any sense of reality. Jules Verne and Kurk Vonnegut could not have come up with a better plot. We have a president who is using a secret police and is empowering domestic hate groups to attack people on the streets. They are out turning peaceful protests into riots and murder scenes. The president himself supports white supremacist and terroristic conspiracy theorist. He is ignoring and empowering Russian aggression. And all this while his mismanagement of the pandemic response has cost the country nearly 200,000 souls and set us in a financial depression. And does anyone know what is happening with the children in cages? I cried tears of hope while watching the Democratic National Convention. I am praying for a blue tide on November 3. I feel like Princess Leah saying "You are our only hope, OBiden Wan Kenobe."

As for that last statement, this is me speaking from my imperfect heart. I don't think that the Democratic party can save us. We have to do the hard work, each and everyone of us, if we ever hope to defeat racism in our time. I was raised in the south. Racism is taught  to us with our nursery rhymes and fed to us with our pablum. There are values that are buried so deeply in the filter which we see the world we don't notice that they are racist, and wrong. I have been actively calling out and correcting my thoughts and attitudes and impressions since I was a young child. But I can't tell you how many times I read the words that I write and decide that I reject the idea as being just wrong. To defeat racism every person has to examine his heart and chose what is true and just. I see that as a huge mountain that must be moved. We absolutely must do this work. 

My personal life. Well, I have been very alone. Regardless that I live with my brother and sister and five animals, even the hermit that I am is feeling the sting of isolation. I miss having a church and friends to hang around with. I miss the little girls. We actually had them with us last weekend. We met them at a park. Everyone wore masks and we all kept our distance as much as you can with three children. It was good to see them. But it wasn't the same as having them in our home. And it wasn't as safe as I would have liked it to be The park was crowded. People were being polite, but children are miniature germ factories. I don't think it is something we will be doing regularly for a while. 

Financially we feel blessed, even though we live on the low income specter. My brother and sister are both essential workers. They have seen increases in both pay and hours during this time. I claimed my Social Security and along with my pension, I am making roughly what I made when I was working. And when that is compounded by no longer needing to buy such things as gas, clothes and lunches to get to work, I'm doing okay. This has been an adjustment for me, a long and hard adjustment even if it is a happy one. I spent so many years worrying about being able to make enough money to provide for my children and myself. And now I don't work, but the money keeps coming in. I am free to spend my days as I wish. And the money just comes in. I was five years old the last time I was in this position. I can't explain it to you very well. But trust me, it has been an adjustment.

Cheese is still with us. The first thing that I was told about him when I came here was to not expect him to live too long. He has defied the deathwatch for the fourteen months since. We don't expect that he will be here again for Christmas. He is so weak and feeble. But he is still fairly happy. He enjoys sunning himself on the front walk. He has his animal and people family here. He likes to lick the gravy off the top of the cat food, but he isn't interested in eating much else. As long has he seems happy and reasonable comfortable we will do what we can for him. 

I am afraid that if I don't end this here, it  will become another of the twenty or so drafts I have sitting in my posts folder. Even as I write this I am sure that something is happening somewhere that will have me shaking my head and saying "Never would I have ever imagined this in my wildest." 

Wear a mask, wash your hands, don't touch your face, and vote in November. #bluetide