The Pod Arrived

 My brother messaged me on Thursday that the pod has arrived. I'm sure they are very pleased to see it. I know that I am. I will be able to get my things and put this chapter behind me. I thanked him and spoke to my son about when we can pick them up. He said Monday, so I asked Ken if the day would work for him and Karen and he agreed and even said that it will be good to see me. Hoping for a good outcome, I reserved a UHaul van.

I had been hoping for a good outcome to a bad beginning, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards. Yesterday, out of the blue I got a text from my sister... Now I feel disheartened. Once again, my stomach is in a acidy knot. Every time I texted or talked with Ken, I mentioned the key that I needed to return to Karen. The text is nothing more than a cheap shot. And the artwork, it was in my room after she dumped it all on my desk while I was travelling. I honestly only have a sorta, kinda idea about which box it is in and now I'm not sticking around to unpack my boxes to look for it while I'm there. I will be grabbing my things as quickly as I can from the pod and leaving as fast as I can. 

To make things worse, she texted the date the pod will be picked up, knowing that we plan to be there on Monday. I was left with the impression that she expects us to empty the pod for her. I really don't want to spend that much time there. If that is the case, my peace-maker son will probably want to oblige, and I'm not feeling that charitable. I want to have a talk with him about it before hand, but I don't want to be the problem here.

I'm glad my son will be there. 

Insomnia

It is 3:19 AM and I am awake. My insomnia is full force lately. I went to bed tired, but my Fitbit tells me that I have only gotten three hours and ten minutes of sleep: none of it deep, none of it REM. It is too warm in my bedroom and my arthritis pain is fairly moderate. I can take ibuprofen, but do I dare take more melatonin? Will that have me sleeping until noon?

I have been here for a full month. While I am no longer in the fight or flight mode, (I think I did both) I still feel adrift. This does not feel like my home. I have the urge to ask permission before I make the slightest change. But I don't dare ask permission because it is making my son crazy. He wants me to feel at home, for this to be my home too. So, I make the changes that I must have and hope that I am not stepping on toes. But this does not feel like my home.

Yesterday morning I woke up at nine. I showered and decided that I really needed to have a place for my puff to hang. So, I found a hook in my knitting supplies and hung it from the rack that hangs from the shower head. There were only two hooks built into it: one for Tim, one for Jack. My puff is teal and the colors in the bathroom are navy and grey. I will find a new puff in the proper colors the next time I go to a store. 

After the changes I made in the bathroom, I stripped the beds and washed the bed covers. They have not been washed since I got here. This is a bachelor's pad: men do not seem to care about those things. But, you know, bacteria and smells...When I remade the beds, I used my travel blanket on my bed. The coverlet that was there is a winter blanket and is too warm. Maybe it was one of the things that have been disturbing my sleep. The room is decorated in black and grey, as is the rest of the house. My travel blanket is a cotton summer quilt and is white with grey roses, not too much of a disruption...I hope. Tim calls it my room. I hope it won't upset him. He doesn't seem to get upset over much. While making the bed, I noticed that the sheets are polyester. I'm kind of a sheet snob. Polyester does not wick moisture, and the bed is too warm. I wake up in a pool of sweat every morning. I ordered new cotton percale sheets. I got them in grey, but it's another change I worry will step on toes. Guests do not wash the bedding or buy new sheets, and I still feel like a guest here. This is not how Tim wants me to feel, so I do what I need and hope it will be fine.

I cleaned the kitchen and living room and noticed that the AC blows hard from the vents in both rooms. That led me to check out the vent in my room. It was closed; I assume it is the same in the other bedrooms. I took the broom and opened mine with the handle, only a little. Somehow, I doubt that Tim ever even looks at them. But I can't sleep when I am too warm, and my bedroom has been too warm, even with the fan running. Those toes again...

Tim found an advanced emergency medicine course for paramedics that he'd like to take. It will have him spending three days a week in Florida through Christmas. He asked me if I would mind being left here with Jack while he does it. Jack is fairly self-sufficient, and of the age that leaving him alone would not be a problem legally. But he is a teen, and it is a better idea for an adult to be present. The opportunity is the sort of thing that his ex-wife would freak out over. He has walked away from a lot of career development to appease her. I have nowhere else to be so, I will be here at least through Christmas. I guess he's worried about stepping on toes too. 

I'm getting tired again now. Maybe I can get back to sleep. Hopefully I won't sleep until noon. I should get the broom and open that vent a little more.

Twenty-One Years and Counting

 My survivorship is now a legal adult. Wow. I kind of never thought this day would come. 

I did nothing to celebrate. What could I have done, gone out for pink iced cup-cakes and pink champaign? I had a quiet day at home, did a couple of loads of clothes. 

But 21 years, DAMN!

If I survive the 🟠💩, I will do something to celebrate in four more years. Maybe a cruise or something big like that.

There Was Some Splanin' to Do

Apparently one very sound reason for a single parent to give their teen an iPhone is that Apple allows that parent to track said teen. Tim knew where Jack was on the night of the storm and the next day when he decided to not show up for school. He and Jack went out to have a man-to-man over some bubble tea and pepper poppers. I'm not sure how that went down, but Jack has not left the apartment since Tim brought him home. I assume that it has been handled. It would have been of great value to me if that technology was available when I was a single mom of teenage boys. I'm very happy that it is available to Tim.

Speaking of useful technology, I am on the patio awaiting a grocery order to arrive. I know this is a luxury, but it beats having to lug groceries up two flights of stairs. I try not to feel spoiled and entitled by reminding myself that my grandmother had her groceries delivered on a regular basis. The downside is that the avocados I ordered came green and hard as a rock, and they keep substituting my lemon seltzer water for strange flavors like strawberry lime. But overall, I am pleased with the service and don't mind paying a small fee to enjoy it. Besides, it keeps me from having to drive here, and these folks are some crazy drivers. 

UPDATE:

My groceries came, but I also got someone else's groceries to boot. I called the store to report the mistake, but they told me that they couldn't retrieve them after they'd been delivered. So, we have been blessed with someone's dinner: steak and hamburgers and salad...What a boon.

Storms

The apartment office asked everyone in our building to prepare for the exterminators to visit yesterday. Apparently, there was an infestation of bugs in some of the apartments. It involved taking everything out of the cupboards in both the kitchen and bathrooms. It was a major lot of work. It felt like moving again. But we did it. It was rather fascinating to watch the exterminators work. They came in with spray and foam and a contraption that looked like a small vacuum cleaner which they vacuumed up any vermin they saw trying to escape. I had to force myself to not laugh and break out in a chorus of the Ghost Busters theme song the entire time they were in our apartment. 

The exterminators were only in our apartment for 20 minutes or so, but it was a long day of work the day before for us. After they left, I began the rather frustrating task of trying to replace everything back into the cabinets it all came out of. Tim went off to work. When Jack came home from school, like the teenager he is, he went right to bed and slept until late in the evening and then on arising, immediately started playing video games with his friends. Around 11:30, I was exhausted, achy, and smelled a bit like a goat.  I made myself a smoothie and went to the bedroom to get ready for a shower and bedtime. 

I had just used the last of my smoothie to swallow some Benadryl and Ibuprofen, when I heard Jack go into the bathroom. I thought I might be in trouble when I heard the shower running. The kid takes marathon showers, so I knew that I was in trouble. I'd be fighting sleep before he was finished. While all of this was going on, a storm had started. and it was a doozy. I went out to the breezeway to find that it had blown the patio furniture up against another apartment and the rain was blowing sideways, as were the trees. Not long after that, the power began to blink on and off. That must have rushed Jack out of the shower, because a few minutes later when the power went out, he came out of the bathroom fully dressed. We used the flashlights on our phones to find a few candles. But the Benadryl had done it's magic on me and I was fighting sleep. With no power, I was in a bind because my CPAP doesn't work when the power is out. It impressed on me the need to get a power station. As much as I know that I must reign in my retail therapy, I will be purchasing one as soon as I get paid again in a week. 

Just short of 1:00 am, I finally had to give in. I tried sleeping in a mostly sitting up position, and it must have been effective. When the power came back on at 4:30 I didn't have the expected sore throat from having snored like a foghorn all night. And the sleep report generated by my Fitbit showed that I had not woken up the umpteen dozen times that I would have expected. Still, sleep apnea is a dangerous condition that I will continue to treat with my CPAP. 

I found an even more dangerous thing when the power coming back on woke me. I went around the apartment turning off all the lights that were left on, and I did not see Jack anywhere. It's a small apartment, there aren't that many places he could be. I checked on the patio, and the furniture had been placed back where it goes, but there was no Jack to be found. I thought about calling Tim but decided that I will give Jack a chance to come clean himself. When he gets home from school, I will confront him and let him know that wandering around after curfew isn't wise. Mostly he is a good kid. But he is a teenager. Nothing he has done so far comes anywhere near what his father did as a teen, and especially nowhere near the shenanigans that I pulled. But I do wonder about all the nights his father was working, and I was sleeping. 

Business

I finally got through the Social Security website to tell the government that I have moved. My banks have been informed. I let Washington state know to stop sending me ballots. The post office has been informed to forward my mail. The retirement company that UPS uses is being difficult, but they don’t send physical mail anyway. I guess it’s official. I moved. 

This morning SSA gave me a wake-up panic attack. I had a message on my phone that there was a message on my account. I was afraid that I was going to be required to visit an office to prove that I exist. They only wanted to tell me that I changed my address. 

I miss the mountain. I miss going around a bend in the road and being hit with the National Geographic level raw beauty of nature. There is beauty here, but it is not on the same level. I was looking for a particular photo last night and it hit me that I've seen some incredible sights. I’m thinking about buying another rail pass in the fall and taking another cross-country trip. The trip from Seattle a few weeks ago exhausted me, but if I plan rest stops on the trip, maybe it won’t be too bad. Maybe this time I will start in Miami and take the train north into Maine. I’d like to see the autumn leaves when they turn. 

I'll have to stop spending so much if I really want to do that. My rent is much cheaper here, but I have been on a spending binge for the past few weeks. I bought new hearing aids and new prescription sunglasses, but I really needed both of those. Then I decided that this last trip that I took has left my shoes looking disreputable. Since every other pair I have is living it's best life packed away on the pod, I ordered a new pair. And I have been planning on replacing my summer wardrobe anyway, so I ordered some new capris and blouses. And since I have been informed that it isn't cool to walk along the golf course paths, I will need a bathing suit. So, I ordered a swim dress...this body has long since seen the day to show off in a bikini. And then, you know that I absolutely need a smoothie blender. I've really been on a binge. I justify it all as actual needs and tell myself to quit feeling guilty because I have already paid my son back the money that he loaned me. But really, this has gotten out of hand. I think that a lot of it has been retail therapy to soothe the uncertainty that I was thrown into. It has got to stop, or at least slow down. My plastic needs a break.

Hands Off

Americans everywhere are beginning to fight back. This is a picture of my hometown. It was uploaded by the guy I used to carpool to work with. When I saw it I began to look through the crowd to see if I could find anyone I knew, and lo and behold it didn't take very long at all. The uplifting thing to me is that some of the people I found I knew to be (former?) Trump supporters. I'm heartened to see that they may have changed their minds. Unfortunately, I did not hear of the protests until after they had occurred, but if I had, I would have been at Toomer's corner with a sign. I am hoping that this is not a one off. It won't work if it is. The George Floyd protests were so very effective simply because they didn't stop. If we hope to make an impression, we are going to have to make a nuisance of ourselves. That is the only way we will get any real attention and be taken seriously.

I was supposed to be going to Tuscumbia today to pick up my things from the pod. This is the second time that I have reserved a truck rental, only to have to cancel because the pod has not arrived. I had texted Ken the morning before to let him know when to expect me. I had just assumed that it had arrived because until that point, I had not heard anything differently. Ken told me then that it still had not arrived. I pressed him for information on when it was expected, and he told me that they were visiting my aunt and Karen would give me a call after they left. She didn't, and as much as it annoyed me, I was somewhat relieved to not have a conversation with her. So, yesterday after I had waited around all day, I finally got a text from Ken. I hope that he is not having to bear the brunt of her anger, but from the tone of his text, I think he is. I can even understand her anger over it. April 24 ia a full month from the time it should have arrived. I can only hope that they are giving her a discount on the service. Not that I expect to see any of it. I'm afraid that the money that I put down on it and the downpayment of house is just lost to me. In the very least I am not there to have to listen to Karen rage about it. My plan now is to make no plan until I hear that the pod has arrived. Then I will work out how I will retrieve my belongings. I do hope that they will arrive at some point and that Ken will let me know to go get them.

It's just as well that I wasn't able to pick up my things today. A tornado touched down in a town near where I am was going to be. The reports so far are that 8 people may have died in the storm. It's really awful.

While the tornado wasn't near the house, it was close enough that the I would have been loading a truck in some pretty nasty weather and the weather here isn't much better. It has thunder stormed all day. I keep getting notices on my phone that the roads around me are closed due to flooding. I'm not that worried for myself. We are on the third floor. The flood would have to be epic to reach where we are. But I do hope that my neighbors are staying dry. 

I do hope the weather will be better when I can finally pick my things up, and maybe not so hot.

Settling In

I've come to accept that at least for the time being I am going to be here. And I have begun to settle in. I'm not so sure that it is the best thing to do, but as I see no other option it will have to do for now. 

I paid my son back the money he sent me to get here, and the small amount that he will accept for rent. He has some financial things that he is trying to accomplish, so I hope that it helps. I certainly don't want to put an obstacle in his way.

The biggest challenge for me right now is keeping busy so my mind doesn't squirrel cage on negative things. I have taken up baking again. I've made a few attempts at getting a sour dough starter to take. So far, I haven't been successful at it, but I can get store bought yeast to take hold and rise. Today I made some shortbread cookies. It's been years since I made cookies for my son and grandson. They aren't as excited about them as they were when they were four years old. But it gave me something to do. And the cookies aren't that bad. 

I have started walking again. But I'm afraid that very soon the southern summer will put a quick end to the habit. I guess I will have to take up swimming when that happens, though I'm not too keen to wear a bathing suit in public. I might have to be one of those early morning swimmers.

On my walk today, I was followed for quite a while by a butterfly. It flew around me while I stopped and pulled out my phone to snap a picture. Then it flew off on it's own after I thanked it for the snapshot. There are lots of birds here, and while I enjoy listening to music while I walk, I often go without it to hear them sing instead. Most of the birds that I saw in Washington were either crows or Steller's Jay. They caw, but I never heard them sing. I have missed the morning and evening symphonies that we get in the south. It's nice to hear them again.

We are living in a golf course community. The course is beautiful and well kept. It has paths for the carts, which I suppose all courses do. This morning I decided that it would be nice to see where the paths ended up. While the course was empty when I started out, I did encounter a few golfers along the way. They seemed surprised to see someone walking there. I do not play golf and thus have never been one to frequent the courses. I do not know the etiquette, other than you do not walk on the greens, which is common sense. So I don't know if I was breaking any social rules. I really hope that they were simply surprised because no one else does it. It would be a great place to walk, and there aren't many other great places here. As for learning the game...It's an expensive hobby and I am left-handed. I'm sure they make clubs for left-handed people, but it was an issue when I was in gym class in high school. And I have had no desire to pursue it since. If you know, please feel free to enlighten me. I really don't want to go around pissing people off just to take a walk.