I went in and tried to watch the service that she suggested, but it isn't the same as being there. And the church that she likes is a bit farther than I think I'd like to walk on a Sunday morning to attend services, even though it did seem like a church I might fit in at. I decided to see if my home church in Georgia was placing their services online, and they are. But I started weeping and couldn't stop for quite some time. It felt like a dyke had broken and every sorrow that I had suppressed for the past eight years came pouring out.
Even after the emotional outburst stopped, tears would spring unbidden from my eyes for a few hours. I tried to distract myself, first by making some bread dough to bake when my friend comes on Tuesday, and then by doing some of the more deep cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom.
Shortly after noon, the weather cleared a bit. I was feeling hemmed in and felt like I needed to walk off the lingering sadness. Walking to the intersection that turns out of my apartment complex, I saw this bike leaning against the stop sign. Something about it angered me. I was sure that someone had stolen it and abandoned it there. I took this picture to send to the police when I got home. Then I walked off in a huff. I had planned to walk up to a fast food restaurant that my son told me had pretty good fried chicken. He was wrong about that.
I got lost looking for the restaurant and ended up down town, near the church that I had planned to attend. I thought that I had found another book store, but realized that it is one that I'd already been in. I thought about stopping in one of the many pizza and beer joints that are down town, but they were crowded with people. And I didn't know which I could order a single slice of pizza at. I didn't want to have to order an entire pizza. I decided to walk home, feeling defeated
On the way back home, I found the restaurant that I'd planned to eat at. There was a woman coming out when I reached the door. She asked me if I had a few dollars that I could spare her. She said that she needed to get a cab somewhere. I'd had four one dollar bills in my wallet for most of the year, so I gave them to her. She seemed very pleased with it, and gave me an orange baseball hat that says "Happy Dad" on it. She said I could give it to my husband. I took it without explaining there is no husband to give it too.
The restaurant was empty when I went in. But a few other people showed up after I'd been there a while. The girl at the register was nice. The food was only okay even for fast food expectations. The walk home was uneventful, except the bike was gone when I got back to the intersection. I was glad that I didn't need to find the public service page to report it.
At home again, I sat on my couch and enjoyed how comfortable it is. And I realized that I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I decided to take a nap and ended up sleeping deeply for three and a half hours. After I got up, I finished off the last of the waffles and boiled eggs that I had in the refrigerator and I thought that I should have eaten them for lunch rather than the fast food.
I have supplies to make salmon and chicken linguini, and lasagna and caprice salad while De is here. I will have fresh bread and home made cookies and ice cream for her. I will feed her well. Hopefully she will want to come back.
But now, even after a long nap in the afternoon, I am still exhausted. And I don't really understand what sparked it.
Yes, it sounds like it was a frustrating day indeed. I hope this coming week is much better for you!
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