Friday, March 6, 2020

Windtossed

I once had a counselor who encouraged me to describe how I was feeling in one word. Thinking about that today, the word I would come up with is windtossed. I know that it's not one word. Spelled out properly it is two, wind tossed. But it really explains how I feel, have felt for more than a year.

At the beginning of last year my apartment flooded, leaving me homeless. I stayed out as much time as I could living in a hotel paid for by my insurance company.  Then I spent a few months at my friend, Beverly's house as I prepared to retire my job and relocate across the country to live with my brother and sister. I moved here in June, leaving almost all my worldly possessions in a storage space in Georgia. I realize now, that I'm unlikely to ever go back to retrieve them. Still, the things that have mattered enough to bring along with me thus far are all in that compartment. It's not the kind of stuff that I am ready to put up on Craigslist.

But all of this has left me feeling listless, rootless. I feel like a tumbleweed that I saw blown around on the prairie in Oklahoma when I was young. Like something that has no roots.

I have spent a lot of time here trying to get various plants to root. I think it's a symptom of what I have been feeling. I've been successful with the plants for the most part. But I really haven't put much effort into getting my life to root here. I wonder if I feel like there isn't much point. I'm old. If I spend the energy to put roots here, they won't get very deep before I have to pull them all up again.

Agggh! I'm having such a pity party today.

In other news,  there is Coronavirus.


I'm going to get dressed, go take a walk or a spin on my bike. I need something new to think about.

5 comments:

  1. After a year like that I am not surprised that you feel windtossed. Cast adrift even.
    I hope you can find an equilibrium which suits.
    We all paddle in the pity pool from time to time - it is only a problem if you wallow in it.
    Hugs.

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  2. It's a really big deal to uproot yourself and move somewhere new. It takes a lot of time and effort to re-establish a social circle and life in a new place. But please don't put off doing so just because you're "old" -- we all need to meet new people, get out and about, just for our day-to-day health. The effort will be worth it!

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  3. I like that word Windtossed. It makes sense you are feeling rootless with all the upheaval you have been through this past year. I think you are putting down new little roots in your new home.

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  4. It is awful to not have the sense of belonging in any one place. This is one of the reasons I decided to take a local class is to make some connections other than the ones I have caring for my husband.
    Hopefully you got in a nice walk! Walks always cheer me up.

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  5. Thanks for visiting my blog. Moving is so stressful, even more so when it's forced upon us. You're no longer working and no longer living in the same city, without your stuff, I would feel wind tossed as well. Not permanent, more like an extended holiday. Can you get your stuff from the storage container?

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