Potluck

A half bag of frozen hamburger patties, a couple of chicken breasts, a half bag of broccoli florets, a half bag of California mix, I'm using up the bits and pieces of food that we have tucked in the back of the freezers. Then there are the leftovers from the meals I made with the ingredients above. Dinner tonight looked like a potluck dinner and served on the leftover plates from Thanksgiving. 

I went through the bits and pieces drawer in my room. I packed what I'm keeping but won't need in the next little while. All that is left in the drawer are the things that I need in the next month. I did the same thing with my cosmetics drawer. Those were the two mental roadblocks to packing for me. I was hoping that would give me the umph that I need to start plowing through with the rest of it. I haven't even been here a full six years. I wonder how I accumulated so much stuff.

Karen has a lifetime of things to go through. Ken is in denial and hasn't even started packing yet. It feels like a Herculean feat for three old people to be undertaking. Moving at our age. 

Homeward Bound

 

It's been awhile...

I miss blogging...

I still think blog posts in my head, but they don't end up here...

Blogger doesn't make it easy to blog using an iPad. They don't seem to like Apple users...

And the internet around here is no better than a joke... We spend a lot of time buffering...

Reasons, or excuses? But it's all I have.

The year did not end well. We spent the spring and summer enjoying parties, concerts, ball games, graduations, and art shows. The fall was marked by loss, and sadness. The good loss was of the presence of Nora. After graduating in the spring, she is seeking her master's at the University of Hawaii, and she is loving it. We miss her but are so happy that she is finding her path.

Just before she left, her cat died. A month later Max left us. He'd been sick for a while. Still, his death sent a shock through everyone. His personality set the tone for the household. The loss of his presence is felt. 

Bad news comes in threes. So, a month later the worst loss happened. Our aunt died. Like Max, it was not unexpected but was a gut punch anyway.  She had been living with the early stages of dementia for years. Just before Thanksgiving she developed a kidney infection and died in her sleep while it was being treated. She was one of the YaYa sisterhood that formed our early lives. My mother, her two sisters and a sister-in-law were the village in which we were raised. Her loss leaves our Aunt Joan as the last living sibling in that family. As much as we are grieving, she is devastated. 

And then there was Nov. 5th....

Before the holidays could greet our sorrow and loss we got one more gut punch. Mollie called to tell me that George was at the end of his journey. He'd been a wonderful dog to her, more of a child than a pet. Like Max, the loss of his presence is felt in everything. She asked that I go to Chicago to spend Christmas with her. I could not say no. I went, but with all the sadness and loss it was a joyless holiday. 

It wasn't just Mollie and I who seemed sad and grieving. Everyone seemed to be dealing with loses of their own. Everybody was going through the motions, but nobody's heart seemed to be in it. 

I took the Empire Builder home on December 30th which had me traveling through the New Year. I was feeling a bit off when I got on the train. In the two days I was on it, I came down hard with the flu despite having gotten the shot. By the time I arrived in Seattle, I was in bad shape. I was down for the better part of January. 

The New Year did not start well...

I was pretty much still bed bound when one of our cousins called. Aunt Joan was doing poorly, and it was felt that she was giving up. Our cousin asked if we could come help out. Even though it meant being in Alabama on inauguration day, Karen went. I don't know if it was Karen's visit or just having the family circle around her cheered Aunt Joan up a bit. She has been doing well since then.

We have been talking about moving back to the south rather euphemistically for about two years. We need to help the cousins out with their aging parents...yada, yada, yada...But the truth is that the PNW has become too expensive to live in on Social Security and pensions. With one of our aunts passing away and another needing encouragement to continue, we are feeling the need all the more. But Karen and Ken have been finding excuses to stay. The truth is that choosing to retire is scary, especially when you don't have a nest egg to fall back on. And they don't even have viable pensions. While Karen was in Alabama she talked about our plans. Our cousins are apparently enthusiastic about them. One cousin, John has a house on his property that he needs to rent. It hits everything on our wish list for housing and more. Other cousins have offered cars and furniture to make our joining them more doable. It turns out that we are moving the middle of next month. Our rent will be $1500 less than it is here. Utilities are about a third of what we are paying, and groceries are substantially less. 

Hopefully this will be a turning point for us. In the least, Karen and Ken can afford to retire. As long as we are together, maybe we can weather the coming storm.

Oh, The Difference a Year Makes

Almost a year ago I wrote my last post. It was about Trump being indicted. I doubt that it was the first indictment, but it was one of them. At the time I felt like it was too little too late, and while I was glad that the DOJ was doing something, I didn't expect it to come to much. And most of his indictments still may not. But wowser! Unanimous verdict, guilty on all counts.

I didn't expect justice to be served on this case. For what we knew, the case was about DJT committing adultery, sleeping with a porn star. I actually don't really care who he sleeps with. And really, who didn't know that he was prone to cheating on his wives. Does anyone really believe that Melania was surprised by it? And why on earth would he do it? I talked to those MAGA housewives after Access Hollywood. Those good Christian women said that God forgave DJT, so I should too. They didn't want to hear that DJT was a scumbag. Of course I knew that Michael Cohen went to jail, but it was for tax evasion or something to do with the Mueller investigation, or any one of a million points of chaos that was part of the Trump administration. 

And now I am left with a disdainful anger at the whole situation. And to be realistic about it, my contempt does nothing. I'm angry because now I understand the depravity that stole the election from Hillary Clinton, and the underbelly of audacity it takes to turn around and accuse others of stealing even a vote from him. And he did it with a rape... Is that characterization of it too harsh? No, I don't think so. When you can't say no, you can't consent. 

Of course I'm aware that the actual conviction wasn't for sleeping with (or raping) a young woman who works in the sex trade. It was for the crimes he committed when he tried to cover it up. And why? The story wouldn't have changed the minds of those MAGA minions back in the day. I really don't care what the polls at the time said. I lived in Georgia at the time. I went to church and worked with those women. They were my family. I talked to them. Believe me. DJT really could have committed murder on 5th Ave. and they wouldn't care. And DJT knew it too, he said so himself. But for whatever reason he chose to falsify business, election and tax records.

Now he is a convicted felon and we are to be put through the spectacle of having an inmate run for the highest office in this country. And the bottom line on this debacle is that there are some very rich men who want nothing other than to drain the coffers of the United States of America. And it is all being exposed by the rape of a porn star. Tell me that God doesn't have a since of humor, or that Karma isn't a bitch...

Yesterday, A Political Rant

I saw this clip on YouTube yesterday. I am not at all endorsing Chris Christie. Honestly, I think that anything he says against the Trumps could just as easily be said about him. It didn't surprise me that they used to be friends. I doubt they still are. What surprises me is that he said it out loud, and in place where the MAGA crowd will be listening. I hope some of them will listen, and that some of them are my family. I wonder how many thousands of dollars my octogenarian aunts have wasted on these people. Not that it really is my concern, but it does make me angry that my aunt couldn't afford to have her air conditioner repaired because she sent a donation to build the wall. They live in Alabama. Air conditioning is essential.

I was going to write about this yesterday, but I wanted to run some errands and get out of the house for a but by the time I returned home the news had broken that Trump had been indicted. It's about time. 

So now we are going into another election cycle and it feels that we have been in one continually since 2015. Trump has been at the top of every news report since he floated down the fake gold escalator.

Wednesday

I found my old diary this week. I began blogging there in 1998, shortly after the platform opened. I poured my heart out there about my divorce, my son’s first deployment, and my cancer diagnosis. Then in a night, it was gone. Someone hacked the platform and my diary was deleted forever, or so I was told. I continued blogging there until I changed to Blogger. I have often been sad about the loss of those posts. But something strange has been happening. The old platform closed down for a long time, but then re-opened in 2018. When it reopened, I reclaimed my diary but did little with it. Some of the posts from 2004 have reappeared. I wonder if I ignore it for another 10 years if I won’t be able to recover all 6 years that were lost.

I have been questioning the validity of keeping the diary and the posts on this one. You see, I started the diaries as a place to express all of the things that were by necessity being swept under my rug. I could not express the emotions I was feeling about my divorce because I had children watching, I could not work through the emotions of a deployment and cancer treatments because of the same reasons. And everyone swallows their emotions at work, because its work and you can’t say what is on your mind there. The posts were a way of getting it all off my chest, and I did gripe quite a lot. The thought has come to me that getting it all off my chest may just be an excuse for cluttering the universe with things I should just let pass. All of the griping achieved little. I wonder if it was really as mentally healthy as I once imagined it to be. Something to contemplate as I continue to complain.

Just a thought, what do you think is the future of blogging in general? Do you feel that it is a platform that will still be available in the future? Just thinking.

It Is Finally Spring

 

We are finally getting spring in the valley. We wore hats and jackets through the end of April. It was more than just a little annoying. We would get a day or two that approached 70 F (21 C) and I would think it as safe to clean and put away all my jackets and woolens, and then the temps would drop again, and we’d be closing all the windows and bundling up to go outside again. Then we had a few days of the depths of deep summer where the temps were in the high 90’s (35 C) and it was only early May.  Karen was so upset by it she bought a window unit air conditioner. A couple of years ago we had a week of temperatures hovering around 115 F (46 C). It was during the Covid shutdown, so there were no cooling stations, the library and theaters were closed. And with no AC, it was hell, and took it’s toll on all of us. We all fear that happening again. But responding to that fear by getting AC, while it seems logical, only adds to the global warming that caused the problem in the first place. I warned both Karen and Ken that we shouldn’t use it unless the temps start wandering into the 90’s again, but they didn’t listen. They kept it on while the temps dropped into the 80’s (27 C) which resulted in a ginormous electric bill. Karen wasn’t happy that I refused to offer extra rent money to help cover it. But I did warn them and was over ruled when they made the decision to keep it on. If we are to have more extreme weather this summer, I will help, but temps in the 80’s can be dealt with using fans.

Summer is fast approaching, and we have a lot to look forward too. Karen is leaving on Monday to visit our other sister, Brenda. She just moved to a small town in South Carolina to be near her son. Karen and Nora will be there for a few days. Then at the end of July Karen and Ken will be camping with our friend Jeanine. I won’t be going with them because all three of my children, my grandson and my son-in-law will be here visiting me. We do not have the space in this house for everyone, but will rent an AirBnB to all stay together. I have decided on Tacoma as it will give us both the Mountains and the ocean to enjoy, as well as shops, museums, pubs and restaurants.  Then the first week of August, Karen and Nora will be visiting Atlanta. I could go with them, but I am declining to save my money to visit my oldest son, Tim in the fall. He hopes to be engaged to a woman named Emily by then. Of course, I have already cyber-stalked her and she seems like a lovely person. If the do marry, I will be gaining a new grandson. He is 12 years old, and his name is Nathan. Ken is planning a trip to Connecticut to visit with his daughters and grandkids in the fall too. I think that we will probably all end up back on the east coast sometime in the next couple of years, just maybe not all in the same house. Even though I love the PNW, I’d would go already if Karen and Ken weren’t dependent on the rent and food I provide to survive right now. I pay a third of the rent and buy well over half of the food. But living here is extraordinarily expensive. None of us can afford to live on our own here. But I would do alright by myself in the South. 

So much has happened since I last wrote in December. It is hard to think what I need to update. I feel bad about my inconsistency and neglect of this blog. It has it’s base in depression and anxiety. But it has also been hampered by computer access issues. My good computer died on me more than a year ago. I have an ACER laptop, but it is like all ACER’s I’ve owned, a piece of garbage. I’ve been trying to get by with a second hand IPad. I should just buy another computer, but I have been burned so many times. Even the name brand HP’s and Lenovo’s have disappointed. And the one MAC I’ve used was not much better.  I have found a keyboard and a set-up that is making the IPad work better for me now. I have every hope that it will make blogging much easier, and more consistent going forward. 

I hope you enjoy the pictures I am posting. I took all of them myself. The natural beauty of the PNW makes it so easy to get a beautiful picture. 

I need to go get dinner started now. Fried Chicken, salad and some garlic bread for tonight. I’m actually looking forward to cooking it. 

Yuletide

 It is snowing again. It began in the morning with big wet flakes that did not stick much. But as the day went on it changed to the small misty flakes that you need to squint to see. But those stuck plenty. By early afternoon, the sidewalks and roads were too slick for me to attempt taking a walk. I was a little unhappy about that. I was really feeling the need for some fresh air and exercise. I had to make do with enjoying the snowfall from my porch. It would have been all the more enjoyable if the road construction company hadn’t do extremely overstayed their welcome. They were supposed to be gone before Thanksgiving, and here it is Christmas. 

Tomorrow is the solstice, sometimes known as Yule, or I’ve been told that it was before Christians co-opted the term to mean Christmas. To me, it has been my brother's birthday since I was four. So, on this night so many years ago I stood on another porch and called out to the sky to snow while my mother was in labor. On Christmas morning my mother was allowed to leave the hospital early, so Santa brought me a doll, a coloring book and a new baby brother. Do you remember what you got for Christmas in 1961?  My brother hates that we all have a vivid memory of the night he was being born. I won’t bring it up to him tomorrow…

I have struggled to get myself into a holiday mood. In between recovering from the flu and repeated snow storms I have missed some of the activities that I had been hoping to attend. I had to forgo caroling at Fort Nisqually, which was what I had been looking forward to. I have always had fun caroling, but hardly anyone does it anymore. To find it here, and in a charming location. Oh well, it might work out next year. I did go to our towns parade. It fell between snow storms, and was thankfully brief. The flu hit the town hard. A lot of people were still sick and there was still quite a bit of ice on the ground. Not only were there not many people at the parade, but most of the houses hadn’t been decorated yet. Some of them still haven’t. 

We put up the tree, about a week late for us. But we are happy with it. The waiting did not hamper our selection. I think the tree is nicer than those we’ve had before. And I made an attempt at the shortbread that I had in Chicago last year. They weren’t bad, but I do need to work on it before I try to wow anyone with my Maple Shortbread. I’d try again tomorrow, but I will be baking a birthday cake.  

I did manage to get my packages wrapped and sent in plenty of time for them to arrive before Christmas. I even got cards sent this year. When I write it down, it seems as if I’ve got this one down. But its all been very perfunctory. The excitement and magic just seem to be missing. The gifts that I sent are okay, I guess. But nothing that I can’t wait for them to see what I found for them. If my cookies don’t work out, I’ll buy some from the store. Karen found some chocolate ornaments for the tree, and they are fine. But they aren’t the European ones we buy from the Christmas market that we had to forego this year. I doubt that anyone will be remembering this Christmas sixty one years from now. But that’s okay. Maybe it’s someone else’s turn this year.  Saturday night we will have Jim and Nora over for a steak dinner and open gifts. I will have extra, because I decided to save the ones my children sent me to be opened on Christmas Day. 

After getting my presents sent in a timely fashion, I was feeling okay about myself. Then as I was putting things away I found a pair of socks I made for Jack’s gift. And I forgot about them completely. I’m wondering now if I should just send them separately. Proof that Nana is getting old…

I hope that you are having a wonderful holiday celebrating what you choose. 

Influenza

 

It’s snowing now, big fat wet flakes that will cover the newly thawed ground before morning. The snow has been falling on and off for a week. It hasn’t been obnoxious as there are times between the storm where the roads dry out.  We haven’t been kept form anything we have felt like doing. The forecast for the near future has more of the same. If this is a precursor for what to expect from the winter, I will be glad for my snow boots. 

What has kept us from anything is that we have been down with the flu. It started with all of us, a week ago Wednesday. I am the only one of the three of us who has taken the shot, and I was extremely less sick than Karen and Ken. Karen got sick enough that her daughter took her to the hospital. She was scared by not being able to breathe. They diagnosed the flu and sent her home with a sack full of medications and the standard advise to rest and hydrate. She and Ken have disparaged the fact that I get vaccinated every year. Now she is onboard. I am mostly well, but I still get very tired very easily. 

To pass my time, I have been watching holiday baking shows on TV.  It has me wanting to attempt the maple shortbread cookies that I tasted last Christmas in Chicago. The recipe that I have calls for both maple sugar and syrup. I haven’t found any maple sugar, but I do have an organic cane sugar and a very top shelf syrup. After the cookies are cut and stamped I will brush them with some of the syrup and top them with turbinado sugar before I bake them. I’d love to have the Chicago recipe, but it is a family secret and it’s not my family. 

I’m hoping that Karen and Ken will be feeling well enough to help me eat them soon. They have been really sick. 

Last Bastion

It happened today. The last thread by which I was clinging to my youth card snapped. It would take a Trumpian level of denial to conclude any thing other. I have jumped the shark and crossed to the side of the crazy old cat ladies. It is sadly official.

It all came about very unwittingly on my part. I didn’t mean to loose hold of that card. It is really a shame. It happened this way. If my clothes are reasonably clean at the end of the day, I don’t throw them into the hamper. I have a set of hooks on the outside of my closet door where I hang them to be reworn another day. Please don’t judge me harshly for that; my closet is small. And I don’t often entertain in my bedroom. My clutter bothers me less than washing my clothes every week. 

There are a couple of mitigating circumstances you should know about. The first being that there is a good deal of roadwork and accompanying mess going on right in front of my house right now. I have to traverse that mess each and every time I leave my yard. As a result, my shoes, my socks and the cuffs of my leggings or jeans get filthy every day and must be washed. The second circumstance is that it is Indian summer here, and the weather changes are volatile. One week we are in the 90’s, the next we have days where we don’t even break 70 degrees. 

The other day, I put on a pair of leggings, blouse and sweater and started out the door. But before I got to the garden gate I realized I was terribly overdressed for the weather. So I went back, picked out a pair of capris and left the sweater behind. The next day I wore the capris again, but with the polka dot  blouse seen in the picture above. The leggings and the sweater stayed on the hooks. That night I hung the polka dot shirt on one of the hooks to wear again later. 

This morning I…I have no excuse. I don’t know what I was thinking. After my morning shower I grabbed the clothes on the hooks and put them all on without thinking; obviously without looking at them either. Not only did I put those clothes on and putter around the house, I walked out the gate and paraded all around town in them too. Umm, hummm…for four and a half miles. On coming home, my camera snapped the picture above. I am mortified! Have I become a plumped out version of Maxine? Am I the cranky old cat lady now?

Yep, that card fell right out of my hands. It’s pretty much gone forever…

The Fullness of Time

I have sat for a day or so thinking about what to say. My family is inclined to gallows humor during times of sadness and stress. My first inclinations of what to say during times like this lean toward this kind of wit,  and as such are usually inappropriate. I have to watch my tongue. I am truly saddened by the passing of the Queen, and have great sympathy for her family who must now grieve in public. Snark and wit seem out of place and offensive. I do send my condolences to her family and subjects. I will miss her Christmas addresses. It has become a happy tradition for me that I really enjoyed. It was like getting a Christmas card from her every year. I can think of nothing with which to replace this custom. I will miss it, and her.

I do have a bit of a quandary though. Two of my ancestors signed the death warrant for King Charles I. They came to America and helped to found the city of New Haven, Connecticut while running from the wrath of King Charles II. Should I be concerned about King Charles III? I do hope not. 

Closer to home, it was my birthday. I turned the silver age of sixty-five. I am officially a senior citizen. I. Get. Discounts! My niece and my sister both have birthdays coming up too. But none of us has any money. Who does these days? Instead of piling a lot of debt on credit cards, we decided to have a joint celebration. We went to see a local impersonation group perform at a street festival. We even splurged and got milkshakes at the Dairy Freeze. It was a lot of fun, and nobody had to blow spit on a cake. 

And a bit of happy news for me; a wonderful new business is opening up in the new artsy fartsy “South of Main” area they are trying to create downtown. I am thrilled that they were planning an artsy fartsy area of town. I had no idea, but it is so needed. And I need an outlet to sell my merch… Seriously, this is what I have been wishing for. I hope that we will soon get more of the same. It will be nice to have more than tattoo parlors and nail salons to shop at. It may be a tough economy to open in. But I do hope it works out for them, and me. 

I’ll end this post here and get to bed. That is if I can convince Pippy that she has to share…